How to Deal with My Husband Who Came On to My Sister Online?

Shafi'i Fiqh

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I found out my husband cheated with my sister in an online chat. He told her inappropriate things, and my sister wasn’t getting his hints until finally, she understood. She told me I was hurt and didn’t know what to do. We married recently, and I introduced him to my parents because I had been in love with him for a few years.

He told my sister they either continued the chat or told me about the whole thing. She decided to tell me, and I asked him, and he blamed himself. My sister also blames herself for chatting with him.

Answer

Sister, I am very sorry that your husband is behaving so carelessly with your sister. I see this as a massive sign that your husband is not the man you thought he was. Please refer to the following link for a complete and detailed answer on this subject: My Husband Thinks Cybersex Is Harmless. What Can I Do?

Istikhara

If I were you, I would pray to istikhara about this marriage. I am not recommending you divorce him. Instead, ask Allah Most High to guide you to what is best for you. Perhaps, this is just a minor problem that he can overcome. Possibly, he will require therapy and counseling to break this habit. Maybe he has been doing it for so long that it is a rigid habit already, and he will do this again and again with other women? I am skeptical about him because he tactlessly did this with your sister and then gave her an option to continue chatting like this or tell you.

Don’t Blame your Sister

Please don’t blame your sister. Your sister was used and is a victim of his strange behavior also. She did the right thing by telling you. She did not participate in his nonsense and didn’t intend to hurt you any step of the way. Instead, it would be best if you thanked her for telling you. If your husband had chatted like this with another woman, you would have never found out about it.

If You Decide to Stay

If you stay in this marriage, you will have work to do. See a marital counselor, set up limits for internet usage, pray the prayer of need and try to build a strong bond as husband and wife. Fulfill all of your obligations to Allah first. Don’t miss a prayer, pay zakat on time, cover yourself correctly, and stay away from interest and all harams. Read some Quran every day. Especially, take a course with him on Islamic marriage and the halals and harams of everyday life. Make tawba (repentance) a daily part of your life. Allah will always turn to the one who is oft-turning to Him.

Kindly check this: What is Zina

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.