Who Is Responsible for a Child’s Care?

Answered by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Question

Why are parents and siblings held more directly responsible for a child’s daily well-being than relatives, friends, coworkers, or teachers?

Does Islam limit how much responsibility others may take on, or may they become as involved as they are willing and able to be?

Answer

In the name of Allah, the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful.

Sacred law assigns responsibility to those with authority, close family ties, and proximity, which is why parents are responsible first.

Others are encouraged to help as much as they can. The law only limits their authority, not the good they can do.

Where the Obligation Sits and Why

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock.

The ruler is a shepherd and is responsible for his subjects. A man is a shepherd over his family and is responsible for them. A woman is a shepherd over her husband’s house and is responsible for it.” [Bukhari; Muslim]

Responsibility comes with the authority a person has been given.

Allah says: “O believers! Protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones.” [Quran 66:6]

The father is therefore responsible for the child’s support (nafaqa), and guardianship (wilaya) goes to him, then the paternal grandfather. This includes the child’s education, medical care, and property in general. [Nawawi, Minhaj al-Talibin]

These are legal duties which enforceable by the court. Siblings at home have a general duty to encourage good behavior and are often the first to notice problems.

Sharing a roof gives them real duty without giving them legal authority, so their share is moral rather than assigned by a court.

There Is No Ceiling on How Much Others May Help

Islam encourages every degree of care from anyone able to give it. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Allah is in the aid of His servant so long as the servant is in the aid of his brother.” [Muslim]

A teacher who notices a child is not eating, a neighbor who feeds him, an aunt who tutors him, a coworker who advocates for him with the school, all of these are doing something beloved to Allah, and doing more of it is better.

Islam places no cap on generosity, and the guardian who welcomes such help is acting wisely.

What Is Limited Is Authority, Not Care

The decisions that belong to the guardian stay with the guardian. Schooling, medical treatment, travel, the child’s money, and later the child’s marriage are his to decide.

Someone outside the family may raise a concern, offer help, and support the child at length, and should do so through the parents rather than around them.

Setting oneself up as a replacement for a present and functioning parent, or forming a relationship with the child that the parents are not party to, is where good intentions turn into something else.

The ordinary rules of interaction apply here too, including avoiding seclusion (khalwa) with a child who is approaching or past puberty and is not one’s unmarriageable kin.

Principle and Practical Guidance

If you are the relative, teacher, or friend in this picture, give as much as you can and route it through the parents. Tell them what you have seen, offer specifically rather than generally, and keep them informed of anything you do.

Where the parents themselves are the difficulty, raise it with extended family, then with those who have standing, such as an imam or the school, and where a child is genuinely at risk of harm, with the authorities responsible for that.

Stepping in to protect a child from harm is a duty on whoever is able, and it does not require a title.

And Allah knows best.

[Shaykh] Irshaad Sedick
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Irshaad Sedick was raised in South Africa in a traditional Muslim family. He graduated from Dar al-Ulum al-Arabiyyah al-Islamiyyah in Strand, Western Cape, under the guidance of the late world-renowned scholar Shaykh Taha Karaan (Allah have mercy on him), where he taught.

Shaykh Irshaad received Ijaza from many luminaries of the Islamic world, including Shaykh Taha Karaan, Shaykh Muhammad Awama, Shaykh Muhammad Hasan Hitu, and Mawlana Abdul Hafeez Makki, among others.

He is the author of the text “The Musnad of Ahmad ibn Hanbal: A Hujjah or not?” He has been the Director of the Discover Islam Centre, and for six years, he has been the Khatib of Masjid Ar-Rashideen, Mowbray, Cape Town.

Shaykh Irshaad has fifteen years of teaching experience at some of the leading Islamic institutes in Cape Town). He is currently building an Islamic podcast, education, and media platform called ‘Isnad Academy’ and has completed his Master’s degree in the study of Islam at the University of Johannesburg. He has a keen interest in healthy Prophetic living and fitness.