Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I am confused by Islam, as some things make me feel bad, but I don’t want to be a disbeliever. In Islam, if a wife abuses her husband, her prayer is not accepted. If a man abuses his wife, his prayer is accepted. If a woman upsets her husband, she is cursed by angels and Hoors. If a man beats his wife, no one curses him.
If a man dies as a martyr, he gets 72 wives, which is more than what non-martyrs get. If a woman dies as a martyr, she only gets one husband with other wives, so she is treated just like non-martyr women, proving her sacrifice is worthless. Why is a man not cursed and his prayer accepted, but a woman is? In addition to this, she gets less reward. I can’t see justice for women as it seems that gender is superior to action.
Thank you for your question. I pray that you can clear these misunderstandings and instead focus on getting to Paradise because that is all that is asked of you, and it’s a tall order in and of itself.
If a woman abuses her husband, her prayer is still accepted. If a man beats his wife, his prayer is also still accepted. Allah Most High is displeased with both evil deeds. Both require repentance, and both should fear their prayers not being accepted. Both will be called to account for it in front of Allah Most High, and being cursed or not cursed by someone else has no bearing on Allah taking them to account.
A woman who is martyred will not be treated like a non-martyr. Martyrs are alive in their graves as Allah has told us: “Never say that those martyred in the cause of Allah are dead–in fact, they are alive! But you do not perceive it.” [Quran 2:154]
Miqdam b. Ma’di YaMa’di reported God’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) as saying, “The martyr receives six good things from God: He is forgiven at the first shedding of his blood, he is shown his abode in paradise, he is preserved from the punishment in the grave, he is kept safe from the greatest terror, he has placed on his head the crown of honor a ruby of which is better than the world and what it contains, he is married to seventy-two wives of the maidens with large dark eyes, and is made intercessor for seventy of his relatives.” [Tirmidhi; Ibn Majah]
A martyr is not just one who dies on the battlefield. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) informed us, “What do “you say among yourselves about the martyr?” They said: ‘The one ‘who is killed in the cause of Allah.’ He said: ‘In that case, the martyrs among my nation would be few. Whoever is killed in the cause of Allah is a martyr; whoever dies in the cause of Allah is a martyr; whoever dies of stomach disease is a martyr, and whoever dies of the plague is a martyr.’” Another chain narrates with the addition, “and the drowned is a martyr.” [Ibn Majah]
In other narrations, the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) mentioned that those who die protecting themselves, their families, their wealth, their religion, or who die by childbirth or are crushed by a falling building are also martyrs. [Nasa’i]
As for the reward of 72 wives for the man, this may or may not apply to the woman. The Quran has been silent about these details. We know from hadith narrations that women will have one husband, and Allah promises that this will fulfill their utmost desire. How can we believe this? Because Allah said that it will, and He never breaks His promise.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) also told us, “The believer shall be given in paradise such and such strength in intercourse.’ It was said: ‘O Messenger of Allah! And will he be able to do that?’ He said:‘He will b ‘given the strength of a hundred.’” [Tirmidi]
Allah the Exalted tells us how we will feel there, and this is all that we need to be convinced: “We will remove whatever bitterness they had in their hearts. Rivers will flow under their feet. And they will say, “Praise be to Allah for guiding us to this. We would have never been guided if Allah had not guided us. The messengers of our Lord had certainly come with the truth.” It will be announced to them, “This is Paradise awarded to you for what you used to do.” [Quran 5:43]
Please believe in Allah’s justice, and don’t let the devil dissuade you or make you think your deeds are worthless. Our Lord has told us, “Whoever does good, it is to their own benefit. And whoever does evil, it is to their own loss. Your Lord is never unjust to ˹His˺ creation.” [Quran, 41:46]
And He has told us in the Quran, “So their Lo “d responded to them: “I will never deny any of you—male or female—the reward of your deeds. Both are equal in reward. Those who migrated or were expelled from their homes and were persecuted for My sake and fought and ˹some˺ were martyred—I will certainly forgive their sins and admit them into Gardens under which rivers flow, as a reward from Allah. And with Allah is the finest reward!” [Quran, 3:95]
Please see this link as well: Reader on Women’s RankWomen’se Hereafter
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.