Is It Right to Be Outgoing and Talkative As a Woman? – Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
Could you please give a detailed answer on how unmarried Muslim women should behave? I am a very outgoing and talkative girl. But I have come to have doubts if being outgoing and bubbly is considered having proper haya (modesty).
However, I love making others laugh and I love making sure others have a good time, which is something I am known for. I have been trying to act more serious when I’m out but it’s just causing me to be upset and affecting me mentally since being hyper was a big part of who I am. I never have the intention to get attention from non-mahrams, and I solely act this way to bring light to others, it is something that makes me happy. I just want to make sure I am acting Islamically.
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for your beautiful intention and caring about your Muslim sisters, a very noble trait.
Modesty
The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “There is never any obscenity in a thing, but it mars it, and there is never any modesty in a thing, but it adorns it.” [Ibn Maja]
What you describe is fine, as everyone comes with a different personality and you are using your outgoing nature for good. My only advice to you is to stick to some guidelines. Never joke around using obscenities, insults or lies. Don’t make people the butt of your jokes. Use moderate humour as the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) did and in sha Allah, you will join hearts and cause unity among people.
Make this hadith your motto when you choose what you say: The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should say the good or remain silent.” [Bukhari and Muslim]
Voice
Lower your voice somewhat when men are around, there is no need for them to witness how great you are. Religious women tend to fully open themselves up around other women only. This advice from the Quran for lowering the voice is directed to men, but applicable to everyone.
Prophet Luqman said to his son, “Be moderate in your pace. And lower your voice, for the ugliest of all voices is certainly the braying of donkeys.” [Quran, 31:19]
And this Quranic injunction also applies to our time, “O believers! Do not raise your voices above the voice of the Prophet, nor speak loudly to him as you do to one another, or your deeds will become void while you are unaware. Indeed, those who lower their voices in the presence of Allah’s Messenger are the ones whose hearts Allah has refined for righteousness. They will have forgiveness and a great reward.” [Quran, 49:2-3]
Please see these links as well:
The Spiritual Death of the Heart Through Excessive Laughter & the Prophet’s Moderate Sense of Humor
The Prophet’s Smile – “Around Us But Not on Top of Us”
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied Aqidah, Fiqh, Tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied Fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
