Are Family Members Blameworthy for Not Staying Constantly With a Dying Parent Due to Exhaustion?

Answered by Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Question

Are family members blameworthy if they are unable to remain constantly with a dying parent due to physical or emotional exhaustion?

Answer

I pray you are well.

No, they are not blameworthy.

This situation often involves emotional tension or conflict, but the reality is that exhaustion is real. If a person is genuinely exhausted, then they are exhausted. There is only so much that a human being can take.

If someone says, for example, that they were present with their parent for the last half hour, but had been awake and attending to them for the previous three days, then no blame should be cast upon them. Statements made to hurt others in such emotionally charged moments are unfortunately common, but they do not reflect the reality of what a person is capable of bearing.

Human Limits and Capacity

A person can only handle what they are able to handle. This is the reality of being human. Whether it is physical fatigue, emotional fatigue, exposure to harm, or emotional strain, everyone has a limit.

Those limits must be respected. People should respect others’ limits and recognize that no one has infinite capacity. For this reason, a person who is genuinely exhausted is not blameworthy.

Being Present During Life

It is also worth reflecting on how people sometimes react after someone has passed away. Many become very emotional and speak at length about how good the deceased person was. Yet during that person’s lifetime, they may not have made much effort to be present or supportive.

The real importance is being good to people while they are alive. If one fulfills their duty and treats others well during their lives, then there is no need for excessive words afterward. At that point, such statements do not change anything.

And Allah knows best.
[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began studying Arabic Grammar and Morphology whilst studying for a degree in English and History. After graduating, He traveled to Damascus and studied Arabic, Hanafi Fiqh, Usul al-Fiqh, Theology, and Logic with Shaykh Adnan Darwish, Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahman Arjan al-Binsawi, Shaykh Husayn Darwish, Shaykh Muhammad Darwish, the late Shaykh Rashad Shams, and others. He then moved to Amman to continue his studies in those fields, as well as in Tafsir, Quranic Sciences, Hadith Methodology and Commentary, Prophetic Biography, Prophetic Perfections and Traits, Rhetoric, Arabic Literature, and Tajwid. His teachers include Shaykh Ali Hani, Dr. Hamza al-Bakri, Dr. Salah Abu al-Hajj, Dr. Mansur Abu Zina, Shaykh Ahmad Hasanat, Shaykh Ahmad Jammal, and others.