Why Do Some Men Prefer Monogamy Despite Other Permissions?
Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Weltch
Question
If hur al-‘ayn are a reward suited to men’s natural desire for companionship, why do some men prefer monogamy or wish to be with only their worldly wife in Paradise? Is this due to their fitra being suppressed in this world by emotional pain or flawed relationships?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.
There may be many factors why the vast majority of men choose to remain monogamous despite the legal permission for polyandry and the existence of Hur al-Ayn in the Hereafter. Consider some possible factors below:
1. Polyandry and Legal Responsibility
Polyandry (multitude of wives) comes with the legal responsibilities of an Islamic marriage. A husband is legally required to provide for his wives equally in their residence and general expenditure.
2. Emotional Commitment
Just as the husband is legally required to take care of his wives, he is also required to exhibit a certain level of character, including patience and forbearance, which can be difficult.
This is because each wife has a different personality and emotional needs. In contrast, the Hur al-Ayn are created with a singular dispensation and do not have any emotional requirements like human females.
3. Children and In-Laws
Lastly, among other factors, is the fact that from marriage in this world comes the union of the larger families. Thus, the husband has responsibilities to his mother and father-in-law. Furthermore, a marriage, let alone multiple marriages, may yield children in this world, which extends the scope of responsibility for the husband.
Summary
Though it may be possible that a man has experienced emotional pain or flawed relationships that push him to choose monogamy or even to choose not to marry at all, it is also likely that other factors are at play.
This is why Islam, with its vast legal scope of permissions regarding marriage, is suitable for every type of normal human desire and the breadth of range from one person to the next.
Hope this helps
Allah knows best
[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a teacher of Arabic, Islamic law, and spirituality. After accepting Islam in 2008, he studied at Darul Uloom Seminary in New York and later completed his studies at Darul Mustafa in Tarim, Yemen.
There, he completed the memorization of the Quran and his study of Islamic Sciences. Throughout his years of study, he was blessed to learn from many great scholars: Habib Umar bin Hafiz, Habib Kazhim al-Saqqaf, Shaykh ‘Umar bin Husayn al-Khatib, and others.
Upon returning, he joined the SeekersGuidance faculty in the summer of 2019.
