Can I Confess to a Same-Sex Crush?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I’ve been struggling with a same-sex crush for two years now.

I’ve tried reading more Quran, learning more about Islam, fasting, cutting contact with her, etc but nothing’s working and the feelings aren’t going away. I’m reaching a breaking point and I just want to tell her how I feel to get rid of this burden as I usually benefit from speaking about my problems.

I know that homosexuality is haram, so I’m not looking to start a relationship with her. I just really want to stop feeling this way for her, and since nothing else has worked for me I’m getting desperate and I’m hoping that telling her will help.

I feel so horrible about having these homosexual desires, I don’t know what to do.

Answer

Thank you for your question. I understand how frustrated you must be and I pray that you recover from these feelings without impacting your friend.

Confession

Confessing your unrequited feelings to someone isn’t really an Islamic principle. If a boy were to confess his feelings to a girl that he could not marry or in your case to the same sex, it doesn’t benefit either party. As such, I would refrain. Although you mention that you hope that your feelings will go away by this confession, I think that it will consolidate your romantic inclinations, alienate your friend, and leave you in worse pain than you are in now.

Turn to Allah

When you are confused, in pain, and trying to change yourself from within, Allah is the only one that can help. Turn to Allah wholeheartedly and ask Him for guidance and refuge from these wayward feelings. Ask Him to facilitate your affairs for you, and know that Allah is your sufficiency and the best of guardians. In the meanwhile, keep doing what you are doing. Gain obligatory knowledge, pray on time, fast, read some Quran daily with the meaning, and keep the company of other righteous young people. You may still feel frustrated, but you will eradicate all of these feelings if you keep it up, by the grace of Allah.

Better

Also, remember that your hard work in expelling these thoughts will get you something better. The fact that you hate these feelings means that you are a true believer and Allah will reward you for your pain and suffering and for not acting on them. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), has told us, “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah, the Almighty, but that Allah will replace it with something better.” [Musnad of Ahmad]

Please see these links as well.

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.