Can You Advise Me about My Wife Who Is Shameless in the Bedroom?
Answered by Ustada Shazia Ahmad
Question
I recently moved into an apartment with my wife. She wears hijab and rarely goes out without an abaya but strangely isn’t modest at all. A week after we moved in together, I came home from work and she was just in one of my t-shirts with no pants. Sometimes she will shower and immediately get into bed naked. Please forgive the details but I feel the examples are necessary to explain the situation. Even on our wedding night when I came out of the bathroom, she had already undressed. My family had told me she would be shy and to give her some time and make her comfortable. She seemed to have no issue at all. Is she allowed to do this?
Answer
Permissible
The way your wife is undressed in your presence at bedtime or when you come home from work is permissible, especially if it is foreplay, leading to intimacy. It is impermissible to show what is between the navel and knees when one is home alone, so she should be modest when alone. Although this behaviour must be shocking to you, keep in mind that newly married couples have a high libido and she is expressing herself in the realm of the permissible when so much impermissible is around us all day. It is very likely that she will calm down over time, especially when children come, so you shouldn’t worry about it too much. If you truly feel disgusted or turned off by her boldness, you could ask her to wear nightgowns or lingerie.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Obscenity is not present in anything but it mars it, and modesty is not present in anything but it beautifies it.” [Tirmidhi]
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[Ustada]Shazia Ahmad
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
