Do I Have to Go to the School That My Mother Wants Me to Go To?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad


My father died when I was eight years old, and now I am 14, and my mom is forcing me to go to cadet college, and I don’t want to. No one will be here to look after my family, and we will have to sell the house. I can have better study in my current school, and the cadet college will waste six years because I am in 9th grade now, and they will make me study from 8th grade.


Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for your goodness to your mother and give your father peace, light, and mercy in his grave. May Allah provide you with a male figure in your life that can help guide you.

Goodness to Parents

Allah Most High said, “And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age (while) with you, say not to them (so much as), ‘uff,’ and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.” [Quran, 17:23]

Ustadh Tabraze mentions, “The obligation with respect to parents is doing good to them (birr), as the Quran informs us, and not simply obeying them in an absolute manner. However, we strive (1) to uphold deep respect when dealing with them, particularly when they are speaking from a different social and cultural context, and (2) to allay their concerns with wisdom and in a positive manner. If need be, you can pray the Prayer of Need (Salat al-Haja).”


It is not obligatory for you to obey your mother in this, but instead of saying no flatly, you should research the prospect, as she might be right. You are very young; she might know more about this than you think. You should do the following at least:

  • Visit the school and ask about its program and the opportunities it leads to;
  • Speak to elders, uncles, or friends’ fathers about the two choices;
  • Pray istikhara;
  • Ask your mother why she wants you to go there and see where she is coming from;
  • Talk to someone already attending the cadet college and get their opinion.

Once you have looked and asked, it’s fair to tell her that you are or are not comfortable with it. Ask her to try and understand where you are coming from and pray to Allah for wisdom, guidance, tact, and mutual understanding with her.

Please see these links as well:
To What Extent Should I Obey My Mother?
Do I Have to Obey My Mother in Something about Which She Took an Oath?
When May Parents Be Disobeyed, and How?
Can I Pursue a Career That Goes Against My Parents’ Wishes?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.