What Should I Do If I Feel a Man Who Wanted to Marry Me Wronged Me?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I have recently been hurt by someone who was interested in marrying me. I believe he was well-intentioned, but he involved our parents when he wasn’t sure and ended things abruptly over resolvable differences. I wanted to meet him in the middle, but he couldn’t.
Now, I often wonder if I am even justified in feeling hurt and if I can even complain to Allah about it because talking to Him gives my heart rest. I want to put the matter to bed, and I know I may not get justice in this world, but will I get it in the next? Sometimes that is the only consolation, that Allah knows everything.
Am I wrong for feeling this way?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your pain, and you do have a right to be hurt, but I am certain that you will get over this, by the grace of Allah.
Differences
The differences can indeed cause a situation not to work out, and I feel that if this is what happened, then it was meant to happen, and trust that Allah’s decree is what is best for you. In sha’ Allah, you will find someone who fits you like a glove, and where his family will be ecstatic to have you as their daughter-in-law. You are justified in feeling hurt because you had raised hopes, and you both were sincerely getting to know each other for marriage. An abrupt stop to anything like that is naturally painful.
Patience
There is no reason for you to want revenge, but rather, understand that you can’t control another’s actions and that his behavior was disappointing. However, life is like that, and the only thing you are responsible for is your own behavior and having patience. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) told us this very precious advice, “The believer who mixes with people and bears their annoyance with patience will have a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people and does not put up with their annoyance.” [Ibn Majah]
Turn to Allah
As such, I advise you to turn to Allah in your disappointment, grief, and neediness. Perform good deeds, and you will get over him faster than you think. Pray on time, gain Sacred knowledge, do dhikr (remembrance of Allah), read Quran daily with its meaning, reflect on creation, repent daily for all your misdeeds, volunteer at a charity, fast, give some charity, and be creative.
Most importantly, when you choose someone to marry, heed the prophetic advice: “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or for her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!“ [Bukhari; Muslim]
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
