What Can I Do if One’s Father Commits Adultery and Causes Conflict in Family?
Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel
Question
My father has kept physical relations with women other than my mother. Allah first exposed me to my father’s adultery (zina) around eight years ago. Even though I guessed his physical relationship with another woman, I thought I might be mistaken. But my mother knew all of it, and month after month, she tolerated it and kept it a secret, but one night, she took me to my father and told me about it.
I am broken emotionally and mentally. I see nightmares and have suppressed my emotions. I didn’t speak about it to my father but tried to give him Islamic posts. My parents are not divorced yet, and my mother forgave my father and became very bitter. It affects me negatively. I don’t know what to do and don’t have someone to discuss this issue with.
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.
I pray you are in good faith and health. Thank you for your question and for seeking guidance. It is sad to hear about your family situation.
I would like you and your mother to find a place of calm within you. I know it must be challenging. Sit down with your father along with your mother, and try to speak to him, saying what has happened in the past is the past. You would like to forgive him and support and help him. See what he says.
You and your mum should discuss the issue and offload the situation by supporting each other. However, first, pray to Allah Most High with two rakats of Prayer of Need, and ask Him to find means to guide your father and give you and your mother emotional strength. You both should strengthen yourself through reciting the Qur’an, fasting, giving in charity, keeping good company, and serving those in need.
If he is clearly trying to change, and both of you can emotionally bear living with him, allow your parents to remain married for the sake of your future especially. It was narrated from Anas (Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Every son of Adam commits sin, and the best of those who commit sin are those who repent.’” [Ibn Majah]
If the situation does not improve, confide in a reliable local scholar or trustworthy religious friend and seek guidance. Don’t break yourself by the action of another. You and your mother have your own physical and emotional life that you need to look after.
I pray to Allah Most High that the situation improves and that he finds ways to seek forgiveness and correct his ways, Amin.
I would like you to go through the valuable answers and links below. You will receive guidance and direction, in sha’ Allah.
I would like you to go through this 2-hour-long podcast: Being Balanced – Emotional and Mental Health, it will be highly beneficial and guide you through.
Related: Zina Archives
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I pray this helps with your question.
Wassalam,
[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Mawlana Ilyas Patel is a traditionally trained scholar who has studied in the UK, India, Pakistan, Syria, Jordan, and Turkey. He started his early education in the UK. He went on to complete the hifz of the Quran in India, then enrolled in an Islamic seminary in the UK, where he studied the secular and ‘Aalimiyya sciences. He then traveled to Karachi, Pakistan. He has been an Imam in Rep of Ireland for several years. He has taught hifz of the Quran, Tajwid, Fiqh, and many other Islamic sciences to children and adults onsite and online extensively in the UK and Ireland. He taught at a local Islamic seminary for 12 years in the UK, where he was a librarian and a teacher of Islamic sciences. He currently resides in the UK with his wife. His interest is a love of books and gardening.
