How Can I Calm My Mother’s Fears That I Won’t Turn Out as a Religious Extremist Like My Uncle Was?

Question: My mother, Allah preserve her, is not supportive of me being practicing. She doesn’t like it when I go to the masjid too much, even though it’s not far away, and she generally discourages me from practicing. It’s because she’s had bad experiences with her brother when he went through an extremist “Salafi” phase when he was around my age, and I suspect she fears the same for me. How do I get it across to her that I’m not going to be like he was and make her relax?

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. It is normal for your mother to have these fears, and I commend you for practicing and devoting yourself to a religious lifestyle.

Calming her worries

The best thing that you can do to calm her worries is to be open, honest, tender, and loving towards her. Never respond to her requests with anger or resentment, but always be cheerful and smile. When she worries before you step out to the mosque, sometimes stay, and sometimes go (gradually increasing how much you go), give her a hug and kiss before you leave, and bring her back a coffee, or run an errand for her. Ask her how you can help her.

Good character

Good character can change a person’s heart completely, and I encourage you always to take that route. Soon enough, she will attribute your newfound good character, generosity, and kindness to Islam, and she may even join you. Please listen to this lecture:
https://seekersguidance.org/show/30-content-of-character/

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.