How Do I Interact With My Two Daughters Who Commit Enormities?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I have one daughter who is married to a Sikh and the other daughter is involved in fornication with dating and alcohol. Whenever I tried to talk to them, they told me I am conservative and they misbehave with me. They verbally abuse me and use bad words.

I am a practicing Muslim. I don’t know what should I do? Should I disown them? Please guide me on what to do? I am in depression.

Answer

Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for being concerned with their religion. This is truly a heartbreaking tribulation and I pray that they listen to you, eventually, I believe they will.

Please see a similar situation here:
What Should I Do With My Daughters Who Stopped Practicing Islam?

Don’t Cut Them Off

Your children are adults, and you can’t force them to do anything at this point. You should not cut them off, as some cultures would dictate, but rather, stay in their lives as the Islamic influence. You don’t need to accept their husband and boyfriend, and you should state that you don’t want them to come to your place, nor should you visit them. After all, they are both living in fornication.

You should have the girls over to your house and when they do come, bond with them. Ask them to pray with you, eat with them, do things that you used to enjoy together. Talk to them often, and tell them what you are doing, your daily routine, what inspires you, verses from the Quran, and what you are doing to increase your spirituality. Speak about yourself.

Disrespect

There are only a few things that I can think of. First, don’t advise them every time you talk to them, because it will fall on deaf ears, and incite their bad behavior. Instead, try staying quiet about their lives for a few months, and see how they react. Be nice to them, and don’t treat them as they treat you. Hopefully, they will realize what they are doing. When they do start abusing you, hang up the phone, or walk away, you certainly don’t need to listen to it. In general, do a lot more listening than talking.

Pray, Pray, Pray

The best thing that you can do is to ask Allah to guide them and continually give charity with the intention that they change themselves. Pray the Prayer of Need, and before dawn as it is an auspicious time. Pray that Allah facilitates these matters for you and guides them, and makes them righteous. Give thanks to Allah for what good they have and in sha Allah, by His grace, they will outdo others in religiousness. Keep up your own prayers and seek knowledge to improve yourself and your practice, as well.

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.