How Far Has the Father a Right to Interfere in the Life of His Children?

Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel

Question

How far has a father the right to interfere in the life of his adult children? My husband always tells me that he has the right to dictate to his adult children, some of them already married, what they should wear and what they are allowed to do or not. He told our adult daughters that if they do not dress the way he wants, they are no longer allowed to visit us.

The daughters wear wide trousers with a blouse up to the middle of the thigh and hijab, but he wants them to wear long until under the knee. Has he the right to force them to wear as he wants?

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.

I pray you are in good faith and health. Thank you for your question.

A child’s first and foremost right is that they have an Islamic upbringing. Parents are responsible for their religious and spiritual training until they are married. Then, they are responsible for themselves.

Allah Most High says, “O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones.” [Quran, 66:6]

The reality is that what our children do is mostly the upbringing and nurturing we have done during our parenthood. It is possible they can change even after marriage, have their ways, and we see them differently than we used to. If we see them behave otherwise, we still have every right to advise them in a way that is not patronizing, feels interfering, or seems forceful or dictating.

If one is wearing a thigh-length blouse, there is every hope they can change to a knee length, too. It is a gradual process; ups and downs come, and changes can happen. As a mother to the daughters, you can have a word with wisdom about the likes and dislikes of your husband and their father.

In sha’ Allah, they will change gradually, fulfill their parent’s advice, and come with respect and dignity.

I would like you to go through the valuable answers and links below. You will receive guidance and direction, in sha’ Allah.

Related:

• Rights of Children in Detail
• Goodness to Parents – A Reader
• The Path of Muhammad: Birgivi’s Manual of Taqwa Explained. [Lecture Series]

Why not begin your search for knowledge by signing up for a course on SeekersGuidance?

I pray this helps with your question.
Wassalam,
[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Mawlana Ilyas Patel is a traditionally trained scholar who has studied in the UK, India, Pakistan, Syria, Jordan, and Turkey. He started his early education in the UK. He went on to complete the hifz of the Quran in India, then enrolled in an Islamic seminary in the UK, where he studied the secular and ‘Aalimiyya sciences. He then traveled to Karachi, Pakistan. He has been an Imam in Rep of Ireland for several years. He has taught hifz of the Quran, Tajwid, Fiqh, and many other Islamic sciences to children and adults onsite and online extensively in the UK and Ireland. He taught at a local Islamic seminary for 12 years in the UK, where he was a librarian and a teacher of Islamic sciences. He currently resides in the UK with his wife. His interest is a love of books and gardening.