Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
If I had children and raised them a bit on the bad side, how much of their sins would I also get sinned for? Surely, it can’t be the same as someone who raised their kids very badly. Also, if a child knew that their parents raised them badly and knew they were going to get some of his sins, would it be more sinful for him to listen to music because he knows he’s making his parents sinful, too? Wouldn’t this make it much harder on the child’s life? Also, do you need to do absolutely perfect parenting to not get your child’s sin or just the bare minimum, and what is the bare minimum?
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for being concerned about your child’s upbringing, and I urge you to simply do your best and make du`a every step of the way.
Allah Most High has told us in the Quran, “Allah does not require of any soul more than what it can afford. All good will be for its own benefit, and all evil will be to its own loss. ˹The believers pray,˺ ‘Our Lord! Do not punish us if we forget or make a mistake. Our Lord! Do not place a burden on us like the one you placed on those before us. Our Lord! Do not burden us with what we cannot bear. Pardon us, forgive us, and have mercy on us. You are our ˹only˺ Guardian. So grant us victory over the disbelieving people.’” [Quran, 2:286]
I cannot answer the specifics of your question because only Allah Most High deems appropriate how much one should be punished and what share of the child’s sin one should bear. Perfect parenting is not possible, and the best advice I can give you is to raise your child to the best of your ability, learn your obligations, apply them in your own life, be a role model of noble character, and use the resources below to learn about what you owe to them. Choose religious families with good character to befriend, so that they can be role models too. Remember that even the son of Prophet Nuh was not a believer, and his father will bear no sin for that.
Allah Most High told us the story in the Quran, “And ˹so˺ the Ark sailed with them through waves like mountains. Noah called out to his son, who stood apart, ‘O my dear son! Come aboard with us, and do not be with the disbelievers.’ He replied, ‘I will take refuge on a mountain, which will protect me from the water.’ Noah cried, ‘Today no one is protected from Allah’s decree except those to whom He shows mercy!’ And the waves came between them, and his son was among the drowned.
And it was said, ‘O earth! Swallow up your water. And O sky! Withhold ˹your rain˺.’ The floodwater receded, and the decree was carried out. The Ark rested on Mount Judi, and it was said, ‘Away with the wrongdoing people!’ Noah called out to his Lord, saying, ‘My Lord! Certainly, my son is ˹also˺ of my family, Your promise is surely true, and You are the most just of all judges!’
Allah replied, ‘O Noah! He is certainly not of your family—he was entirely of unrighteous conduct. So do not ask Me about what you have no knowledge of! I warn you so you do not fall into ignorance.’ Noah pleaded, ‘My Lord, I seek refuge in You from asking You about what I have no knowledge of, and unless You forgive me and have mercy on me, I will be one of the losers.’”
Please see these links as well:
- Rights of Children in Detail
- How to Correct Our Children’s Mistakes?
- Children and Sinful Parents
- Raising Children with Deen and Dunya
- Keys to Raising Righteous Children
- Traditional Methods of Raising Children
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.