Is It My Fault That My Father Has Abandoned Me?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I’m an only child, I’m alone, I feel alone, and no one wants to be my friend. My mother is divorced, I don’t have any friends, and relatives don’t get along well with me. Is it my fault that my father is not there? What is the role of a single mother in Islam? Should she always endure insults?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your pain and frustration and suffering, and I want you to know that Allah is your companion, He loves you, and you are worthy of His love.

Friendship

Good friends are an important part of being a balanced Muslim, and having outlets for positive influence, leisure, healthy competition, support, and love. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “A man follows the religion of his friend; so each one should consider whom he makes his friend.” [Abu Dawud]

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “The similitude of good company and that of bad company is that of the owner of musk and of the one (iron-smith) blowing bellows, and the owner of musk would either offer you free of charge or you would buy it from him or you would smell its pleasant odour. And so far as one who blows the bellows is concerned, he would either burn your clothes or you shall have to smell its repugnant smell. [Bukhari; Muslim]

Absent Father and Single Mother

You are not at fault for your father not being in your life, that was a decision that he made, and you don’t know the full story. Give him the benefit of the doubt and make excuses. Instead of blaming yourself, channel your pain into dua and ask Allah to give you peace of mind and well-being.

A single mother is not obliged to endure any kind of insults from anybody, nor should any other human being. A single mother should take the means to protect herself and her children and turn to Allah for all her needs. She should take worldly and spiritual means to live her life to the fullest and surround herself with people who treat her well.

Please see these links as well:

• The Close Proximity of Single Mothers to the Prophet ﷺ in the Hereafter
• How Can a Single Mother Raise a Muslim Son?
• How Can a Single Woman Attain the Reward a Married Woman Does? Being Content & Making the Most of Life.

Dua

Pray your prayers on time, read the Quran daily, and perform the Prayer of Need in the last third of the night. Ask Allah to cure your loneliness, send you good friends, and send you a loving male authority figure in your life, even if it is not your father. Many like yourself have found good mentors. In addition to prayer and dua, take proactive steps in seeking out good company. Is there a volunteer program you can participate in? Is there a local circle of knowledge or dhikr you can attend? Can you attend your local mosque more frequently and participate in their programs? One can often find blessed people in blessed places.

Please see these links as well:

• What Are the Qualities of a Friend?
• Bringing Barakah Into Your Wealth and Life
• Dealing With Depression Caused by Unemployment and Loneliness
• What Are Some Prophetic Supplications That Can Help Me Deal With Trials in My Life?
  

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.