Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

How do I respond to family members who do not want to pray or practice Islam, wear hijab, or openly declare their faith? They say that people who pray and practice are the worst because they sin and are hypocrites. They also say having good character and having belief in Allah is enough, and they don’t need to outwardly look or act like a Muslim.

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with how frustrating it is to deal with such relatives, and I pray that you can find the right approach but don’t burden yourself more than necessary.

Practicing Islam

Abu Umayyah ash-Sha`bani said: I asked Abu Tha`labah al-Khushani: What is your opinion about the verse “Care for yourselves”? He said: I swear by Allah, I asked the one who was well informed about it; I asked the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) about it.

He said: ‘No, enjoin one another to do what is good and forbid one another to do what is evil. But when you see niggardliness being obeyed, passion being followed, worldly interests being preferred, everyone being charmed with his opinion, then care for yourself, and leave alone what people, in general, are doing; for ahead of you are days which will require endurance, in which showing endurance will be like grasping live coals. The one who acts rightly during that period will have the reward of fifty men who act as he does.’ Another version has: He said (The hearers asked:) ‘Messenger of Allah, the reward of fifty of them?’ He replied: ‘The reward of fifty of you.’” [Abu Dawud]

The Prophet

I feel that the main reason they might not be practicing Islam is that they don’t know anything about the life of the  Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace). If I were in your shoes, instead of directing them to pray or cover, I would inundate them with stories of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) and his sahaba. They must feel a connection to him and understand how he brought this religion to us. Then, in sha Allah, they will love this deen, and once they do, they will practice all on their own, by the grace of God.

Anas reported God’s messenger as saying, “None of you believes till I am dearer to him than his father, his child, and all mankind.” [Bukhari and Muslim]

Keep Practicing

Keep doing what you are doing. They will eventually see, even if after many years, that you always stand by the truth, you live a beautiful religious life, and that have your priorities straight. The truth of the matter always manifests itself. Hopefully, it will rub off on them. Don’t burden yourself with trying to change them and turn to Allah in du`a for them and all of the umma of Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace).

I encourage you to say the above supplication often.

يَا مُقَلِّبَ الْقُلُوبِ ثَبِّتْ قَلُوبَنا عَلَى دِينِكَ

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• Meccan Dawn: The Life of the Beloved Prophet Muhammad in Mecca
• Guiding One’s Family Towards the Good: Advice & Tips

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.