Should I Apologize to My Brother Even Thought He Started the Fight?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

My older brother dropped my phone on me twice and almost hit me in the face with it. Instead of apologizing, he proceeds to blame it on me by saying I should’ve caught my phone. I told him to get away from me, and then I told my mom to tell him to get away from me because he was annoying me. As we argued, I told him he had a fat head, and he cussed me out and told me he would beat me up. After that, my parents tried to force me to apologize to him just because I’m younger than him and said I was disrespectful. They gave him a pass even though he started that whole situation. I am not sorry and don’t want to apologize. This whole situation is making me look at my parents differently and find them unjust. What should I do now?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration, and I pray that you can find patience in dealing with the situation.

Parents

Parents are not perfect, and they make mistakes. However, parents do understand the general behavior of their kids, and they are eager to quell arguments. It is important for the younger ones to respect the elder ones, as per the hadith of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), who said, “He is not one of us who does not have mercy upon our young, respect our elders, and command good and forbid evil.” [Tirmidhi]

Be the Bigger Person

This doesn’t mean that you are wrong and that he is right. It sounds like your brother genuinely started the fight. My advice to you is to apologize, simply out of filial piety to your parents, to make peace, and gain the reward that is mentioned in this hadith: The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “The believer who mixes with people and bears their annoyance with patience will have a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people and does not put up with their annoyance.” [Ibn Maja]

Noble character always comes out on top, and truth always manifests itself over falsehood.

Please see these links as well:

• Is It Permissible for an Elder Sister To Hit Her Younger Brother When They Are Adults?
• How Do I Deal With Abusive and Condescending Siblings?

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.