Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Only divorced suitors are coming to me. I feel very bad, my hands are shaking and freezing, I even tried to commit suicide when they came to propose. Why doesn’t Allah want happiness for me? In our tradition, if a girl is over 20, she is considered old, and the divorced, older, drunk, drug-addicted men propose to her. I want to marry the person I want. Do I have to marry a divorced person because I’m older? Is it fair in Islam? How can I find a husband in a halal way?
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for your honesty and openness, and may He make it easy for you to find a suitable match.
Islam does not say that an older woman should marry a divorced man, this is coming from your culture. (Please keep an open mind to divorced men, too) I encourage you to marry whomever you see fit, pray istikhara about it, and be patient until you find the right person. In sha’ Allah, Allah will send him from whence you least expect it. Please ignore the women around you and heed these two pieces of advice from our Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace):
“A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!” [Bukhari; Muslim]
And, “When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes to (the charge) of one of you, then marry to him. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil (fitna) in the land and abounding corruption (fasad).” [Tirmidhi]
Consign all your problems to your Creator and never stop waiting for His answer, for the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said this about impatience: “The supplication of every one of you is granted if he does not grow impatient and say: ‘I supplicated, but it was not granted.’” [Muslim]
Please see these links as well:
- Advice for Those Who Are Still Single After Trying to Get Married for Years
- Why My Singlehood Seems Endless and Why is it So Difficult to Bear?
- How Do I Get Rid of My Desperation to Get Married?
- Why Am I Not Married Yet?
- I Am Still Not Married. I Am Losing Hope. What Do I Do?
- I Am 36 Years Old, Unmarried, and So Lonely. What Do I Do?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.