Can My Parents Visit My Home Where I Live in a Joint Family?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
Whenever my parents asked me if they could visit me because they wanted to see me and their granddaughter, I used to refuse them and say that I would visit them soon, but I didn’t let them come here. They got upset, but I know how I have managed to live with my in-laws. They are deprived of morals, and they don’t even consider a person with due respect.
Also, I can’t talk openly with them because my mother-in-law notices everything. What should l do? I don’t want to make my parents sad, but I am compelled.
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for wanting to protect your parents from bad character, but I urge you to behave normally with your parents and invite them over and not allow abnormal circumstances in your life.
Goodness to Parents
Allah Most High said in the Quran, “And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age (while) with you, say not to them (so much as), ‘uff,’ and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.” [Quran, 17:23]
Bad Character
Your parents deserve the best treatment; it is hurtful when you refuse them a visit. The bad behavior of your in-laws is not a reason to avoid having them over. It’s completely fine that you don’t speak freely in front of your mother-in-law, no daughter-in-law really does anyway, and you can speak to her freely at her house. I’m sure they know the formalities, and I’m sure they can handle themselves.
Please urge them to come and show your in-laws that it is your right, and your parents are expected to visit you. You are not a prisoner, and trying to shut your parents out of your home is kind of like putting up a wall between the two families, which is unnecessary and harmful. Let them see the reality of how you live; you might be surprised, and much good may come from it.
Please see these links as well:
- Can My Husband Forbid My Parents from Visiting Me at Home?
- How Do I Deal With a Mother-in-Law Who Complains About Me Visiting My Parents?
- How to Resolve the Crisis of a Joint Family?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
