Can You Advise a Single Mother and Daughter Who Live with a Cruel Relative?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
My mother is divorced, she is sick and can’t work. I study, I want to find a job and earn money and leave this house. Right now, we have nowhere else to go. We live in my grandmother’s house, and my uncle’s wife and three sons are upstairs. In the house below, it’s me and my mother.
My uncle’s wife has not given us peace for 26 years, she always quarrels, it affects my health, and she wants us to leave. She is a very demonic and despicable woman, she tried to hurt us several times. We are afraid that she will harm us, she may threaten us with a knife. I hope Allah will punish her, why doesn’t he punish the wicked? We are in danger and don’t know what to do.
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration and with your feeling of being trapped. I pray that you can find a way to leave this house so you don’t have to face this cruelty anymore.
Abuse
First, you should know that it is not right for anyone to mistreat you, not your parents, their siblings, or any relative or friend. If they do, it is because of their own low self-confidence and lack of skills to resolve a conflict. You are not obliged to accept their abuse, rather you should do your best to prevent it. If you ever feel fear for your physical safety, you should call the police and don’t hesitate to do so.
Steps
You should try the following steps to help you deal with your uncle’s wife:
- When she annoys you, choose silence over talking back. This will help you stay calm.
- If you are standing, sit down, if you are sitting, lie down. If you are angry, make wudu.
- Keep your contact with her minimal, do your part around the house, and keep yourself busy with learning, worship, spending time with good friends, exercising, and spending time with positive people.
- Work hard to become independent and move out and be the best that you can be until that time.
- Make dua to Allah to guide you and strengthen you and relieve this burden from you, before dawn is best, and the last hour of Friday before Maghrib.
- Rely on Allah Most High and trust that He will remove you from this situation soon.
Most importantly, ponder this hadith and make dua your weapon: The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “There are three whose supplication is not rejected: The fasting person when he breaks his fast, the just leader, and the supplication of the oppressed person; Allah raises it up above the clouds and opens the gates of heaven to it. And the Lord says: ‘By My might, I shall surely aid you, even if it should be after a while.’” [Tirmidhi]
And this hadith: The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) gave us this advice: “The believer who mixes with people and bears their annoyance with patience will have a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people and does not put up with their annoyance.” [Ibn Majah]
Please see these links as well:
- How Do We Maintain Family Ties With Bloodthirsty Relatives?
- What Should I Do Amongst All the Drama and Hate Between My Relatives?
- What is the Minimum Amount of Relationship I Have to Keep with a Relative I Hate?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
