Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I used to be in a haram relationship and though I’m finally out of it, I feel extremely guilty and cry almost every day because I hate myself for it. On top of that, I feel more guilty about lying to people and saying I’ve not been in a relationship or done anything of that sort with anyone because I don’t want to expose my sins. I feel guilty about lying to people when they ask questions.
Am I doing the right thing by telling people I’ve not been in any relationship before?
Thank you for your question. Yes, you are doing the right thing, and it’s time to change your guilt into gratitude.
When you lie and say that you haven’t been with someone in an illicit relationship, you must look at it as obedience. You are obeying Allah and His Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), in what they commanded, and you are not being sinful for hiding what your Lord has told you to hide. Don’t look at it as anything else, because it’s nothing but obedience to your Maker.
As for the guilt, it will lessen over time, by the grace of Allah, and you can take steps toward making it better. Dwelling on your guilt is fruitless, and if your guilt can incite you to action, then you have taken the best lesson from it. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), said, “Have taqwa (fear) of Allah wherever you may be, and follow up a bad deed with a good deed which will wipe it out, and behave well towards the people.” [Tirmidhi]
Turn to Allah
So in your guilt, grief and neediness, turn to Allah. Perform any variety of good deeds, and you will recover. Pray on time, gain Sacred knowledge, do dhikr (remembrance of Allah), read Quran daily with its meaning, reflect on creation, repent daily for all your misdeeds, volunteer at a charity, fast, give some charity, and be creative. Most importantly, keep this prophet’s hadith in mind:
Abu Huraira reported Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) as saying, “Our Lord, the Blessed and the Exalted, descends every night to the lowest heaven when one-third of the latter part of the night is left and says, ‘Who supplicates Me so that I may answer him? Who asks Me so that I may give to him? Who asks Me forgiveness so that I may forgive him?’” [Muslim]
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.