How Do I Tell My Parents I Am in Love?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I love a person who comes from a righteous family. He has never seen my face, heard my voice, and or met me. We both want to get married as soon as possible and are eighteen. Both our families are righteous, Alhamdulillah, but we live in different states.
And also, he is three months younger than me, which worries me that my parents may disagree. We have set boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed, but I fear doing Haram. We want a halal relationship.
How should I convince my parents to let us marry? How to approach my parents? We both are willing to wait, but we fear disobeying Allah.
I wonder how you have fallen in love if you have not met or seen each other? Did you get to know each other online? I am very relieved to hear that you have not been physical, but you know deep down that it was a mistake to get to know each other, even on electronic devices.
Your only options now are for the boy to propose marriage to your parents and start this process. The longer you wait to start, the more difficult it will be. He must tell his parents first, and they will likely not agree because he is so young.
If you can tell your parents that you are willing to wait if they let you just get engaged for now, then you should listen to them, pause, and consider it a great blessing that they agree.
Be sure to pray istikhara before you proceed, as you want to be sure you are choosing this man for Allah and not out of your desires. If you both feel it is positive, tell your parents. The boy should come over with his parents and meet his family to formalize it.
Also, you should uncover your face so that he can see it before agreeing to marry you. This is a sunna of the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace). You say you fear disobeying Allah, but I don’t feel that is a real threat if you haven’t met or heard each other’s voices. Just keep on this track of modesty and go through your parents. Ask Allah to make it easy.
May Allah give you tawfiq in this world and the next.
What to Do When My Parents Reject My Choice of Spouse Because of Cultural Reasons?
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years, studying aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.