How Should I Deal with Backbiting Around Me Without Seeming Self-Righteous?
Answered by Shaykh Anas al-Musa
Question
I am constantly surrounded by people who engage in backbiting, whether at school or at home. I want to distance myself from them, but I also don’t want them to think I feel superior to them.
Answer
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
All praise is due to Allah, Lord of all worlds. Peace and blessings be upon the Messenger sent as a mercy to the worlds, our Master and Prophet, Muhammad, and his Family and Companions.
Dealing with people who engage in backbiting can indeed be challenging, especially if you wish to avoid appearing self-righteous. Here are some steps you can take:
Gently Remind Them About the Sin of Backbiting
In a kind and tactful manner, remind those around you of the gravity and prohibition of backbiting in Islam. Share with them the warning of Allah (Most High):
“And do not spy, nor backbite one another. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of their dead brother? You would despise that!” [Quran, 49:12]
Additionally, mention the words of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace):
“Do you know what backbiting is?” They said, “Allah and His Messenger know best.” He said, “It is to mention something about your brother that he dislikes.” They said, “What if it is true about him?” He said, “If what you say about him is true, you have backbitten him; and if it is not true, you have slandered him.” [Muslim]
Warn Them About the Consequences of Backbiting
Inform them of the consequences of this sin on the Day of Judgment. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:
“Do you know who the bankrupt person is?”
They replied,
“A bankrupt person among us is one who has neither dirham nor wealth.”
He said:
“The bankrupt person in my community is the one who comes on the Day of Judgment with prayers, fasting, and zakat but has insulted this one, falsely accused that one, consumed another’s wealth, shed someone’s blood, and beaten someone else. So, his good deeds will be taken and given to those he wronged. If his good deeds are exhausted before he has repaid his wrongdoings, their sins will be taken and placed upon him, and then he will be cast into the Fire.” [tirmidhi]
Remind them that the righteous are described in the Quran as:
“(They are) those who do not bear false witness, and when they come across falsehood, they pass (it) by with dignity.” [Quran, 25:72]
Distance Yourself If Necessary
If your advice does not impact them, kindly excuse yourself from their company. Explain that your decision is not due to arrogance but because backbiting is a major sin that you want to avoid.
Assure them that you are willing to spend time with them if they refrain from this behavior. This way, you clarify your reason for leaving while also reminding them of the seriousness of backbiting.
Prioritize Pleasing Allah Over Others
Ultimately, striving for Allah’s pleasure should take precedence over concerns about how others perceive you. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:
“Whoever seeks Allah’s pleasure by displeasing people, Allah will be pleased with him and will cause people to be pleased with him. But whoever seeks to please people by displeasing Allah, Allah will be displeased with him and will cause people to be displeased with him.” [Ibn Hibban]
Take solace in knowing that acting according to Allah’s commands with wisdom and sincerity will always yield the best outcome.
And Allah knows best.
May Allah bless the Prophet Muhammad and give him peace, and his Family and Companions.
[Shaykh] Anas al-Musa
Shaykh Anas al-Musa, born in Hama, Syria, in 1974, is an erudite scholar of notable repute. He graduated from the Engineering Institute in Damascus, where he specialized in General Construction, and Al-Azhar University, Faculty of Usul al-Din, where he specialized in Hadith.
He studied under prominent scholars in Damascus, including Shaykh Abdul Rahman al-Shaghouri and Shaykh Adib al-Kallas, among others. Shaykh Anas has memorized the Quran and is proficient in the ten Mutawatir recitations, having studied under Shaykh Bakri al-Tarabishi and Shaykh Mowfaq ‘Ayun. He also graduated from the Iraqi Hadith School.
He has taught numerous Islamic subjects at Shari‘a institutes in Syria and Turkey. Shaykh Anas has served as an Imam and preacher for over 15 years and is a teacher of the Quran in its various readings and narrations.
Currently, he works as a teacher at SeekersGuidance and is responsible for academic guidance there. He has completed his Master’s degree in Hadith and is now pursuing his Ph.D. in the same field. Shaykh Anas al-Musa is married and resides in Istanbul.
