What Should I Do After My Husband Cheated and Still Talks to the Other Girl?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

My husband cheated on me this August while my 3-year-old son and I were away. I forgave him, considering his behavior with me for the last 5 years. However, I asked him to stop contact with the girl, and he has not been able to do it completely. They are in touch, and I see their messages and am traumatized now. He says to let him handle it his way because forcibly ending it would backfire on both of us.

Now I am on the verge of ending this relationship but scared for my son. I don’t know whom to reach out to and what else to do. It’s been more than 6 months of suffering. It feels like his mind is blocked, and he doesn’t understand what is happening. He has been a god-fearing person otherwise. Please help.

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your pain and I pray that your husband wakes up to the pain he is causing. I’m not sure how you place him as a god-fearing person.

Unfaithful

Given that your husband has been unfaithful, and might have been unfaithful from the beginning of the marriage, and that he doesn’t fear God, I can’t shake the feeling that you should pray istikhara about leaving him. You have valid grounds for divorce if you choose to leave. He might cheat until old age, or he might mend his ways, there is no way to know. Please pray istikhara on this matter, consult family and friends, and if it comes out positive, come up with a financial plan to support yourself and your son. If you leave him for the sake of Allah, intending to have an Islamic household that fears God, you should not fear for your son. Allah Most High will not abandon you.

When you feel ready, make dua for a pious husband who embodies this hadith: The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.” [Ibn Maja]

If you stay

If you feel that you should stay, then continue to do as you are doing. Pray, learn your religion, learn Arabic, read the Quran daily, pray tahajjud, and keep insisting that he stop. Encourage him toward religion and repentance. Perhaps this situation is making you closer to God than you ever would have been, and that is Allah’s end goal for you. If your istikhara is telling you to stay, the reasons could be many. Trust in your Lord, and protect yourself as best as you can. If you stay, encourage him to be a good father and role model for your son. Perhaps his repentance is near, and Allah Most High wants you to wait.

Rely on Allah

Allah Most High has told us in the Quran,

“And they are those who endure patiently, seeking their Lord’s pleasure, establish prayer, donate from what We have provided for them—secretly and openly—and respond to evil with good. It is they who will have the ultimate abode: the Gardens of Eternity, which they will enter along with the righteous among their parents, spouses, and descendants. And the angels will enter upon them from every gate, saying, “Peace be upon you for your perseverance. How excellent is the ultimate abode!” [Quran, 13:22-24]

And Allah Most High has told us in the Quran,

“Today I have indeed rewarded them for their perseverance: they are certainly triumphant.” [Quran, 23:111]

Please see these links as well:

• Cheating Husband
• When a Man Cheats, Is He Only Harming Himself or Also His Wife?
• What Should I Do with a Cheating Husband Who Gives Me STDs?
• How Do I Deal With My Unfaithful Husband and Trust Him Again?
• How Do I Deal with a Husband Who I Suspect Is Being Unfaithful?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.