How Do I Deal With My Unfaithful Husband and Trust Him Again?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question:
In May, I received proof my husband was having an affair. In July, he ended things. Since that time, I have no proof that has continued to talk to the sister. But I still do not trust him as he has not honored my request for transparency; I don’t know what to do? I have started asking Allah to reveal the truth but wonder if I need to take further action as I don’t quite feel my husband is honoring his relationship with me.
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. I am so sorry that you had to deal with that kind of pain and unfaithfulness. It is possible to heal from this, and I pray that your marriage bounces right back.
Options
If you feel that he is emotionally abusing you, or if you feel like he is continuing his disloyalty to you, you may ask for a divorce. If you feel that he is trying hard to change and has repented and you have forgiven him, I recommend that you overlook his faults and stay with him for the sake of Allah and the children, and your future.
Maintain duties
No one can make this decision for you, but until then, you should maintain your duties toward him and treat him as a wife should because you are responsible for your actions, not his. He will account for what he has done. Take a marriage course here at Seekers, read some books on marriage, and see what you are able to change. Any change that you apply will first benefit yourself, and secondarily, your marriage as well.
https://academy.seekersguidance.org/enrol/index.php?id=154
https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797
https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts/dp/080241270X/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=love+language&qid=1628164406&s=books&sr=1-1
Consider and consult
You should pray istikhara before such a big decision and plan out how you will support yourself and live if you do decide to divorce. Consult family and friends about this and seek a decision from your heart. I don’t suggest that you ask to look through his phone. Let him have some privacy because even in very healthy and happy marriages, spouses often retain their privacy. Not allowing him privacy may lead him to resentment, and he does have a right to be private.
Please see these links for excellent advice:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/cheating-husband/
https://seekersguidance.org/articles/prophetic-guidance/your-purpose-when-marriage-is-rocky/
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
