Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
I am a young girl who has had a relationship with a guy for over 2 years, but we broke up.
I know that everything is already written for us and we have to put faith in Allah, as He knows best. However, I don’t like the idea of ending up with someone whom I don’t love in this way.
Can I ask Allah in my dua’s to end up with the man I love in the future? There are no wrongs thoughts such as lust involved, just pure love. Can our dua’s be so powerful that Allah can maybe change my mektab if he had written something else and grant me the person I truly love?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us. Please forgive me for the delay.
It was narrated from Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (upon him be blessings and peace) said: “There is nothing like marriage, for two who love one another.” [Sunan Ibn Majah]
Dear sister, you did the right thing by ending your pre-marital relationship. As much as you are hurting right now, know that your heartache will reduce with time. I pray that Allah grants you tremendous reward for making your repentance, and replaces what you have lost with far better.
When you are young, it may seem that the key to a happy marriage is to be deeply in love with a person. However, it takes more than that. Over the course of your marriage. as kids are born, bills need to be paid, and parents and in-laws age, it would help tremendously if your husband is kind, loyal, supportive, financially savvy and forgiving. If a marriage is not worked on actively through these very normal life stressors, then you can very easily fall out of love.
Duas and destiny
In your best case scenario, Allah has written that you will marry the young man you love. In your perceived worst case scenario, Allah has written that you will marry someone else. Allah knows what duas you will make even before you make them.
As to whether your duas can change your destiny, please refer to this Can Supplication Change Destiny?
It is permissible for you to make dua for Allah to bless you with marriage to to the man you love. However, I strongly recommend that you also make dua for Allah to bless you with the best husband for you, and to grant you contentment with His Decree.
I suggest that you do not give your heart away to a man until you have done your nikah. Deep and lasting love can blossom after nikah, within the safety of your marriage.
I encourage you to learn more about what it takes to have a successful Islamic marriage. This way, no matter who you marry, you will have the right tools to navigate the next stage of your life.
God willing, you have decades ahead of you. Perhaps Allah has saved you from great pain by separating you from the man you love. Perhaps there is something within him or his family that will cause you great pain, should you marry him.
On the flipside, perhaps Allah has written marriage to the man you love – just not right now.
Only Allah knows. The best way for you to close this door of longing is to perform The Prayer of Guidance. You can If Allah makes it clear to you that marriage to him is good, then He will facilitate that e.g. your parents will be open to the idea. If Allah makes it lear that marriage to him is harmful.
Free your heart of attachments to Allah, or He will free it for you.
God Most High says, “Truly it is in the remembrance of God that hearts find rest.” [Qur’an, 13:28]
While you are in this vulnerable state, it is extremely important for you to nourish your heart and soul. Read and listen to Qur’an, fast, find comfort in supplication, give in charity, help others in need, and other praiseworthy acts.
I pray that Allah grants you ease and contentment. Please keep in touch.
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.