Can the Man I Love Take Me as a Second Wife Despite His Mother’s Disapproval?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: I am in love with a man who is already married to his cousin. His mother is not letting him marry me, because she does not want her son to have two wives. What can we do? Does he have to obey his mother?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for seeking an answer. Please forgive me for the delay.


Dear sister, please tread carefully. Love is not enough to sustain a marriage, especially if you are a second wife. The fact that you are in love with a married man is a not a good sign of his faithfulness to his first wife. For your sake, please marry a man of good character and religion. A clear indicator of a man’s character and religion is his ability to remain faithful to his first wife, and not lead on another woman.

Please read and reflect on this: Can a Husband Marry a Second Wife Without His First Wife’s Permission?

Your husband is free to do as he chooses. He is not obligated to obey his mother, but he is obligated to treat her with respect.


If you go ahead and marry him, you risk earning the wrath of an unhappy mother-in-law, and an unhappy first wife. Is this the life you want for yourself, and your future children? Choose wisely.

Please perform the Prayer of Guidance up til 7 times to gain clarity on what to do next. If Allah makes the path to marriage easy, then that is your sign. If Allah makes it difficult, then that is your sign. The challenge is being open to what Allah makes clear to you, and that is difficult when you are already in love.

I pray that Allah blesses you with a righteous, loving and tranquil marriage, and the gift of righteous children.

Please refer to the following links:

Is Polygamy really Allowed?


Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Photo: Arian Zwegers