Emotional Distress: Dealing With Broken Relationships

Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari Abdul-Razacq

Question I am going through a period of depression over a relationship with a non-Muslim girl that has ended. I have asked for forgiveness for my mistakes. The consequences of this relationship have been an abundance of negative feelings and troubling thoughts that have taken over my mind including jealousy, suspicion, withdrawal symptoms, anxiety, hurt, and sadness. I was wondering if there is an Islamic procedure to rid the mind of unwanted thoughts and give me peace of mind.

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds. May the peace and blessings of Allah descend on the Prophet Muhammad, his family, his companions, and their followers.
Dear Brother,

Assalamu alaikum,

Thank you for your question. I pray you are feeling better.

My advice is to learn from your mistakes in a positive way. Instead of dwelling on negative thoughts, look within you to see why you entered into this relationship. How can you become a better Muslim and a stronger person from this experience?

To feel hurt at the end of a relationship is natural. However, given the nature of the relationship, you should be thankful to Allah it has ended. Maybe this was Allah’s way of calling you back to Him.

You should make dua for this woman and ask Allah to guide her. And you should move on with your life. One of the best ways to do this is by being of service to others. Are you young, healthy, and single? If so, there is so much you can do for the Muslim community and the larger society. But before you help others, you’ll have to rectify yourself. Give priority to your spiritual needs. What do you need to grow in your Islam, Iman, and Ihsan?

Finally, please read this excellent answer by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani, “Fighting Depression through the Remembrance of Allah.”

Once you make time in your life for prayer, Qur’an, dhikr, and salawat upon the Messenger, you won’t have time to dwell on the negative.

May Allah Ta’ala give you healing,

Zaynab Ansari Abdul-Razacq

July 25, 2010/Sha’ban 13, 1431

Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Zaynab Ansari Abdul-Razacq is a wife and mother residing in the southeastern United States. She graduated from Abu Nour University’s precollege program in 2000 and has remained active in teaching and studying sacred knowledge through SunniPath and SeekersGuidance. She holds undergraduate degrees in history and Middle Eastern Studies and is a certified public speaker.