How Can I Get Away From Social Obligations in Order To Study?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
If most of the people you know waste your time and their company doesn’t benefit you, is that an excuse to distance yourself even if it causes turbulence? For example, my parents tell me to spend time with the family, but it always ends in useless talk or an argument that I have to endure. Or I have to spend time with cousins or siblings who waste their time on video games, YouTubers, and other futile things.
Should I dismiss my opinions and mental health and keep interacting with them because community and relationships are important in Islam? I spend most of my time studying both Islamic and secular knowledge. Learning is very important to me, but it is hard in my environment.
Answer
Thank you for your question. I admire your desire to study and applaud your efforts, may Allah reward you.
Knowledge
Knowledge is very important in our religion, and I urge you to continue to study with excellence and diligence. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Ask Allah for beneficial knowledge and seek refuge with Allah from the knowledge that is of no benefit.” [Ibn Maja]
He also said, (Allah bless him and give him peace), “This world is cursed and what is in it is cursed, except the remembrance of Allah (dhikr) and what is conducive to that, or one who has knowledge or who acquires knowledge.” [Ibn Maja]
Family Obligations
There are family obligations that must be fulfilled and this is natural and healthy, but there is no need to go beyond the necessary minimum. When you meet at a family gathering, you should greet them, and eat with them, but it is fine to excuse yourself afterward to read or study if you have things that need to get done. Sitting with them idly while they gawk over their screens is not called for and is a waste of time. Your family will learn that you are a certain way and eventually they will stop trying to change you. In the end, you may be the one who brings them the most benefit.
Standard
Always keep these two hadith as your standard, and, by the grace of Allah, there will be no turbulence. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “The believer is friendly and befriended, for there is no goodness in one who is neither friendly, nor befriended. The best of people are those who are most beneficial to people.” [Tabarani]
I remind you and myself of this important hadith about the value of our time. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Take advantage of five before five: your youth before your old age, your health before your illness, your riches before your poverty, your free time before your work, and your life before your death.” [Bayhaqi]
Please see these links as well:
To What Extent Should We Not Waste Time?
How Can I Find Balance in Religious Practice?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
