Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
A few years ago, I was going to college with my father on his bike and a boy wrote his number down and threw it on my bag. I tore it up, but now I feel like I lost the man Allah sent to me, and I am unable to forget him. What do I do?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.
Dear sister, I encourage you to read Distinguishing Between Thoughts From Ourselves, Shaytan, and Allah.
Reflect on where you think these thoughts are coming from. Are these thoughts from your lower self, or are they Shaytanic whisperings? Please trust that no good will come from giving in to them.
Each time you think of that young man, please make copious istighfar, and seek refuge in Allah from the whisperings of Shaytan. Guard yourself, and your heart. Longing for companionship is normal and healthy in a young woman. Channel that longing towards dua, instead of preoccupying your heart with a man who is not your husband.
Your dignity and wellbeing matter to Allah. The right man for you will approach you and your family in the right way, befitting your rank as a Muslimah. Throwing a note on your bag is disrespectful.
I encourage you to enrol in Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages. Please learn about the qualities you need to look for in a husband, and what kind of character traits you need to acquire in yourself.
In the meantime, please listen to this free downloadable lesson set – Getting Married.
Nothing shuts and opens doors like the powerful Prayer of Guidance. I encourage you to perform it up til 7 times about the young man you are attached to. If Allah sends you a positive sign, then perhaps marriage to him is good for you. If Allah sends you a negative sign, then I pray you will close that door and be content with it.
What is your relationship like with Allah? There is a special place in your heart that cannot be filled by anyone other than Him. No man can give you that contentment, no matter how wonderful he may be.
Please nourish your connection with your Merciful Lord through prayer, fasting, recitation of Qur’an, dhikr, and any other praiseworthy act of worship.
I pray that Allah grants you the blessing of a husband of deen and excellent character.
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.