Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Is there a concept of “soulmates” in Islam? Has Allah already chosen our soul mate?
I was in a relationship that was against the sharia, so I realized that I should stop it, but I still feel bad for ending the relationship.
So to explain to that person the reason for stopping this relationship, I said that Allah has already chosen our soul mate, and if you’re in my destiny (qadar), then Allah will make us meet again.
But somehow, deep in my heart, I feel that I am being selfish. I’m really confused.
Please suggest what I should do now.
I pray that you are well. Thank you for your very important question.
Allah has already written the provision for every soul on this earth, including whom we marry.
Allah says, “There is not a single creature on the earth except that Allah takes care of its provision.” [Quran, 11:6]
In this sense, yes, those of us who are destined to marry in this life do have a “soulmate.” However, this does not mean that one’s soulmate guarantees one worldly bliss, as is propagated by popular media because even the most loving spouse is a test of patience. Everlasting joy lies only in Paradise.
By ending this impermissible relationship, you have done something pleasing to Allah. It would have been selfish of you to remain in that relationship because by doing so, you are wronging both yourself and another person. You can choose to harm yourself if you wish, and you will be taken to account for that, but you do not have that right to harm another. Choosing to end this relationship is actually a responsible and praiseworthy act, and I pray that much good will enter your life because of your decision. The guilt which you feel is a reminder of your lowliness before Allah Most High. Use it to draw closer to Him and know that He is Most Forgiving.
“A disobedient act that bequeaths humiliation and extreme need is better than an obedient act that bequeaths self-infatuation and pride.” [Ibn Ata’illah, al-Hikam al-Ata’iyya]
True love and happiness will descend upon you and your lawfully wedded wife. Anything outside of marriage is a shadow of what Allah promises.
“And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Verily in that are signs for those who reflect.” [Quran 30:21]
In a happy marriage, there is no need to feel guilty or ashamed about being with the person you love. Rather, you can expend all your energy into pleasing your wife, which is something pleasing to Allah.
Abu Hurayra stated, “The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “The most perfect of believers in belief is the best of them in character. The best of you are those who are the best to their women.” [Tirmidhi]
What To Do
As for what to do now, keep making sincere repentance and pray the Prayer of Guidance. See what Allah unfolds before you.
I can see two options:
1) Re-evaluate your situation. Is this person able to be an upright and loving spouse? If she is, you are able to marry, and you are both struggling to be apart from each other, then it would be better for you both to get married. Consult a relationship counselor to ensure that both of you have enough similar values upon which to build a solid marriage. Being attracted to one another is insufficient.
2) If your former partner does not have the qualities for a righteous and loving wife, apologize for what you have done and cut off all contact with her. This will be painful initially, but it is better in the long run. Anything else will prolong your unwanted attachment to each other, making it harder for both of you to move forward. Remain chaste and ask Allah to send you a righteous and loving spouse. Spend your time making istighfar, salawat upon the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), and know that in time, your heartache and guilt will ease.
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continued to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.