My Mother-In-Law Keeps Asking Me If I Am Pregnant. What Can I Do?

Answered by Shaykh Jamir Meah

Question: Assalamu alaykum.

I have lot of problems in my life. My mother died of cancer on my wedding’s day and my sister is suffering from tuberculosis. Alhamdulillah I have a good Husband and we live with his family but I can’t live here because I’m not getting pregnant. My mother-in-law is always asking me if I am pregnant or not. How can I become pregnant?

Answer: In the Name of God, the Merciful and Compassionate

Dear Sister, thank you for sending in your question. May Allah grant you ease and guide you to what is pleasing to Him.

Problems in life

It certainly seems that you and your family are going through a great deal of heartache and struggles at the moment, may Allah make things easy for you all. During such times in life, the most important thing is to hold fast to our faith and turn to Allah. Allah sends us trials in life to test our faith. It is our patience and turning to Him during these times that either brings us closer to Him or further away. This is explained to us when God tells us, “It is He who created death and life to test you as to which of you are best in deed, and He is the Almighty, the Forgiving.” [67:2]. And we find consolation that, “Verily, with every difficulty there is relief. Verily, with every difficulty there is relief.” [94:35-36].

Similarly, the Prophet (peace and blessing be upon him) informed us that “The greatest reward comes with the greatest trial. When Allah loves a people He tests them. Whoever accepts that wins His pleasure but whoever is discontent with that earns His wrath.” [al-Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah].

Life on earth is full of tragedy and turmoil. Allah Most High tells us this when He says, “Verily We have created man into toil and struggle.” [90:4]. This is the very nature of life on earth; a mixture of pleasure and pain, sweetness and bitterness. This is compared to the next life, which is either absolute and eternal pleasure, or total and perpetual suffering. Therefore, the key is to endure the hardships that come our way and increase in our faith and good deeds, and ensure that we remain grateful to Allah.

One may say, “but I thought religion was supposed to bring happiness to one’s life? Where is the happiness and peace?” The answer is that religion does bring happiness, peace and contentment, but it’s place is in the heart. When complete faith grows in the heart and one truly submits to the Will of God, happiness and peace will be the core state of that person, regardless of all the turmoil outside, which will inevitably continue in this life. Why? Because trials and test are a means to purify ourselves and an expiation from sin. By going through toil and trials throughout life, the hope is that we meet our Lord without any sin, thereby winning his Pleasure and eternal felicity. This is why the Prophet said, “Trials will continue for the believing man and the believing woman, in person, property and children, until they meet Allah free from sin.” [al-Tirmidhi]

Du’a during hardship and distress

There are a number of du’a you can recite during times of anxiety, stress, hardship and sorrow:

اللَّهُمَّ رَحْمَتَكَ أَرْجُو فَلَا تَكِلْنِي إِلَى نَفْسِي طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ وَأَصْلِحْ لِي شَأْنِي كُلَّهُ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَا أَنْتَ

O Allah, it is Your mercy that I hope for, so do not leave me in charge of my affairs even for a blink of an eye, and rectify for me all of my affairs. None has the right to be worshiped except You.

حسبي اللہ ونعم الوکيل

Allah is my Sufficiency and how perfect a Benefactor [is He]

لا إلَهَ إلاَّ اللَّهُ الْعَظـيمُ الْحَلِـيمْ، لا إلَهَ إلاَّ اللَّهُ رَبُّ العَـرْشِ العَظِيـمِ، لا إلَهَ إلاَّ اللَّهُ رَبُّ السَّمَـوّاتِ ورّبُّ الأَرْضِ ورَبُّ العَرْشِ الكَـريم

There is none worthy of worship but Allah the Mighty, the Forbearing. There is none worthy of worship but Allah, Lord of the Magnificent Throne. There is none worthy of worship but Allah, Lord of the heavens and Lord of the earth, and Lord of the Noble Throne.

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ الْهَمِّ وَالْحُزْنِ وَالْعَجْزِ وَالْكَسَلِ وَالْبُخْلِ وَالْجُبْنِ وَضَلَعِ الدَّيْنِ وَغَلَبَةِ الرِّجَالِ

O Allah, I take refuge in You from anxiety and sorrow, weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, the burden of debts and from being overpowered by men.

During times of hardship, one should also ensure that one is not sinning, and is fulfilling Allah’s rights and other people’s rights.

Salat Hajah (The prayer of Need)

One can pray this for all of one’s needs. Please see the link below on how to perform this prayer: How Does One Perform The Prayer Of Need (salat al-haja)?

Pregnancy

There are many du’a and surahs you can read to help you become pregnant. I have listed at below a number of previous answers on SeekersHub which contain many of these du’a and recommendations, as well as general advice. Please do read through these.

Have patience and gratitude, do not tire of asking Allah, and do not despair. There are many people who have suffered much physically and emotionally, and were told by doctors that they would not be able to conceive, only to get pregnant when they least expected (and raise beautiful healthy children).

Such are the reminders that Allah is really in control of everything. Remember the words of the Angels when they descended on Sayiddna Ibrahim and his wife, “And certainly did Our messengers come to Abraham with good tidings; they said, ‘Peace.’ He said, ‘Peace,’ and did not delay in bringing [them] a roasted calf. But when he saw their hands not reaching for it, he distrusted them and felt from them apprehension. They said, ‘Fear not. We have been sent to the people of Lot. And his wife was standing (there), and she laughed: But we gave her glad tidings of Isaac, and after him, of Jacob.’ She said: ‘Alas for me! Shall I bear a child, seeing I am an old woman, and my husband here is an old man? That would indeed be a wonderful thing!’ They said: ‘Dost thou wonder at Allah’s decree? The grace of Allah and His blessings on you, O ye people of the house! for He is indeed worthy of all praise, full of all glory!’” [11:69-73]

However, we should also remember that both having, or not being able to have children, is also a test from Allah. At the end of the day, despite our efforts and desires, Allah Most High is the Creator of all things, and whatever he has Willed will be, or not be. It is for us to be patient, firm and faithful, no matter what our situation.

We should also note that many cultures unfortunately only look to the wife when it comes to infertility. It is very important for both the husband and wife to seek medical care, as there are various factors on both sides which could cause the infertility. Family and in-laws should also be understanding and not put undue pressure on the couple, especially the wife.

I recommend the following links, in which you will find supplications and suras to read for becoming pregnant:

Habib ‘Umar bin Hafiz’s advice on duas to read during pregnancy and labour
Invocations To Bear Children
Dealing With Infertility
Supplications for Having Children and For Dealing With Pain
A Reader on Pregnancy
Struggling to Have Children: Ten Key Etiquettes of Du’a

I sincerely pray that Allah Most High grants you with many pious children, and that they are a source of goodness and happiness for you in this world and the next.

Warmest salams,

[Shaykh] Jamir Meah

Checked and approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Jamir Meah grew up in Hampstead, London. In 2007 I travelled to Tarim, Yemen, where I spent nine years studying the Islamic sciences on a one-to-one basis under the foremost scholars of the Ribaat, Tarim, with my main specialization and focus on Shafi’i fiqh. In early 2016, I moved to Amman, Jordan, where I continue advanced study in a range of sciences, as well as teaching. Away from the Islamic sciences, I am a qualified Homeopath, and run a private clinic in Amman.