Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: My husband of 10 years has abused me by taking all my money and leaving me helpless. When I stopped giving anymore, he found a new person to bankroll him. Now he wants to leave me without a job and any money.
Why is Allah rewarding him for torturing me all these years while I have sunk to the bottom?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
Dear sister, may Allah grant you tremendous ease after your decade of heartache.
Allah’s Messenger (upon him be blessings and peace) said, “Whoever has oppressed another person concerning his reputation or anything else, he should beg him to forgive him before the Day of Resurrection when there will be no money (to compensate for wrong deeds), but if he has good deeds, those good deeds will be taken from him according to his oppression which he has done, and if he has no good deeds, the sins of the oppressed person will be loaded on him.” [Bukhari]
Although it may look like it, Allah is not rewarding your husband. Oppressors do not ‘get off the hook’. Unless you forgive him, he is in for a very, very heavy accounting on the Last Day. There is no escape for him then. If Allah wanted good for him, then He would inspire him to make his repentance, seek forgiveness from you, and return the money he stole from you. The opposite is happening – Allah is allowing him to continue his reign of oppression.
Dua of the Oppressed
“The Messenger of Allah sent Mu’adh [bin Jabal] to Yemen, and said: ‘Beware of the supplication of the oppressed; for indeed there is no barrier between it and Allah.’ [Tirmidhi]
Please use this opportunity to ask Allah for whatever khayr you want. Wake up in the last third of the night, before Fajr enters, and at the very minimum, make dua. If you can, pray tahajjud, and perform The Prayer of Need, and ask for whatever you need.
What is your current marital status? Please be clear on this, so you can move forward. If your husband has not yet issued a divorce, please speak to a trustworthy local scholar and ensure that you get your divorce settled.
Abusive husbands are known to threaten to never divorce their wives so that they can continue tormenting them. There is a way out for you. You can ask for khula’ (separation). This would be a release for you, inshaAllah, after ten years of abuse.
When you are ready, please enrol in Islamic Marriage: Guidance for Successful Marriage and Married Life. I pray that this will help you prepare for your next marriage, should Allah send you a prospective husband.
Who can you ask for help? Is your family able to help? Do you have friends you can reach out to? If not, is there a women’s refuge or similar community organisation you can go to for support? Please do not be alone in this time. Please consult a trained therapist, psychologist or counsellor to help you recover from the abuse you have endured.
‘Abdullah bin Mas’ud narrated that the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) said:
“Whoever suffers from destitution and he beseeches the people for it, his destitution shall not end. And whoever suffers from destitution and he beseeches Allah for it, Allah will send provisions to him, sooner or later.” [Tirmidhi]
Please read Surah Al-Waqiah and ask Allah to increase your provision. Trust that when you take the means, Allah will send you what you need.
You will need to re-establish yourself financially. Getting back into the job market can be very anxiety-provoking, especially after the years of abuse which would have affected your self-confidence. Start with baby steps. Ask for help from friends who can help look over your resume, and point you in the right direction.
I pray that Allah gives you the courage to make this start of a better life for you.
Please see the following links:
My Husband Mistreats Me and He Doesn’t Pray
Is it Permissible to Economically or Mentally Abuse your Spouse?
What Are Some Prophetic Supplications That Can Help Me Deal With Trials in My Life?
A Reader on Patience and Reliance on Allah
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani