Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
My husband and I have marital intimacy maybe once or twice a month, and sometimes even less. This is not enough for me. I want children, and I am getting older. I think I want a divorce, but my husband does not. What do I do?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.
Dear sister, please know that you are not alone. Many couples struggle with mismatched libidos, and with support, they are able to overcome that and have fulfilling marriages.
You sound understandably frustrated. I encourage you to exhaust all avenues before considering ending your marriage. Could you consider marriage counselling? Please speak to a psychologist alone, and as a couple, in order for you to explore this fully.
Does your husband have an underlying health issue that is contributing to his low libido? If so, has he seen a doctor for help?
Aside from your mismatched libidos, is there anything else in your marriage that you find challenging? Or is he a good man, who treats you well?
If you are unhappy with him and your marriage, then I do not advise bringing a child into the equation. You could find yourself trapped in an unhappy marriage, burdened with a child, and even more limited in your career and remarriage prospects.
Before you make any final decisions, please perform The Prayer of Guidance up til 7 times. Please watch what Allah unfolds for you. For example, if your husband makes a serious effort to satisfy you, then that may be a sign for you to consider working on your marriage. However, if he does not want to change, then it may be a sign for you to leave.
It may be better for you to free yourself for another chance at love, marriage, and children.
If your husband does not want to divorce you, then you can request a separation (khula’) by returning your mahr to him.
I pray that Allah grants you the clarity that you need, and guides you to what is best for your dunya and akhirah.
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.