Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: My mother doesn’t care about her children. I’m the one looking after my younger siblings and they see me as their mother. Yet, my mum is not satisfied with me. She often makes the supplication that if I get married I should not have a happy life. Will her supplications be accepted?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. Dear sister, I am so sorry that your own mother is making dua against you.
Abu Hurairah narrated that the Messenger of Allah (upon him be blessings and peace) said: “Allah created a hundred mercies, and He placed one mercy among his creation, they show mercy to one another by it, and there are ninety-nine mercies with Allah.” [Tirmidhi]
Never despair in the mercy of Allah. So long as you aren’t wronging your mother in any way, then you have nothing to fear, inshaAllah. Trust in the Mercy of your Creator, who sustains you from heartbeat to heartbeat.
Can you try to imagine why your mother is so unhappy with her life? Did she or does she have an unhappy marriage? How badly was she wronged? As Shaykh Usama Canon described, “Hurt people, hurt people.” Abusive parents were often abused themselves.
It is against the nature of a mother to be so unkind; she sounds deeply hurt and in need of therapy. Please don’t blame yourself. It is normal to long for your mother’s acceptance, but she sounds unwell and incapable of praising your efforts.
Trust that even if your mother is unappreciative, all of your hard work is not lost with Allah. I pray that all of your sacrifices will manifest as mountains of good deeds on your scale, on the Day of Judgement.
The Messenger of Allah (upon him be blessings and peace) said: ‘The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, although both are good. Strive for that which will benefit you, seek the help of Allah, and do not feel helpless. If anything befalls you, do not say, “if only I had done such and such” rather say “Qaddara Allahu wa ma sha’a fa’ala (Allah has decreed and whatever he wills, He does).” For (saying) ‘If’ opens (the door) to the deeds of Satan.'” [Sunan Ibn Majah]
Have high hopes in Allah, and trust in His Mercy. Sometimes, He breaks our hearts so we remember to attach our ultimate happiness to Him alone. It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that if only your mother was kinder, then everything would be perfect. Dunya will never be perfect. Allah gives us exactly what we need to drive us to Him. It is heartbreaking to have a mother like yours, but perhaps her harshness is teaching you how important it is to be compassionate.
Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (upon him be blessings and peace) said, “May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced, whose parents, one or both, attain old age during his life time, and he does not enter Jannah (by rendering being dutiful to them)”. [Riyad as-Salihin}
Return your mother’s hurtful words with kind ones. When she says she makes dua against you, tell her that you make dua for her. Over time, your sincerity will increase, inshaAllah. Patience with her could be your path to Paradise, inshaAllah. Find it in your heart to forgive her, even if this process takes time.
Please see a counsellor to help you work through your emotions, so that you are able to reach a point of acceptance. Being a mother figure is draining, so please look after yourself. You are doing incredibly well, mashaAllah.
I pray that Allah blesses you with a loving and tranquil marriage, righteous children, and tawfiq in both worlds.
Please refer to the following links:
What Are Some Prophetic Supplications That Can Help Me Deal With Trials in My Life?
A Reader on Patience and Reliance on Allah
VIDEO: How To Develop Meaningful Relationships With Parents (Shaykh Faraz Rabbani, Shaykh Zahir Bacchus & Shaykh Rami Nsour)
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani