Obeying Parents in Matters of Marriage
Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam
Question: I asked by mother to get married and she told be about a lady. She said I should speak to her and then marry her if I like her. Now she wants me to cut things off because she doesn’t think the lady’s mother is a good person, even though her mother is very pious and reads the Qu’ran often. Should I obey my mother, or follow my heart and marry the lady?
Answer: Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray that you are in the best of health and faith, insha’Allah.
It would generally be much wiser to marry with parental approval.
Parents can be convinced. However, realize that they have deep concern, and only want the best for you. It would break their heart if you went ahead without their consent.
If your mother is not keen on it, it may be that she has seen or noticed something which may be detrimental to the relationship in the long term. Women notice things that men don’t. Marriage is a coming together of families, and not simply of the husband and bride to be.
It is reported that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Your love of something blinds and deafens.” [Abu Dawud] It could be that there is an issue which you haven’t considered.
If you have done your homework on her, asked those worthy of consulting, prayed istikhara, and still feel that you should marry her, then continue to insist without any arguing.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalam,
Tabraze Azam
Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani
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