Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
My husband and I are converts to Islam, but he is not practising. He loves me, supports me, says he will never stop me from practising, nor will he stop me from raising our kids as Muslims. What do I do?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.
May Allah help you and your husband make good on your Islam.
Dear sister, an important general rule when it comes to choosing a husband is this: what you see is what you get. You know that your husband is not religious, and you need to decide if you can live with that, and not expect him to change.
Please enrol in and complete this course: Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages. I pray that this course will help you understand the spirit and the law behind a successful Islamic marriage.
Children are sponges. They learn from what we say, what we do, and who we are.
The early years of parenting are spiritually, emotionally, physically demanding because of their sheer dependance upon you for survival. As children get older, they need more spiritual guidance. Children face countless decisions in their road towards maturity, and their guideposts are their parents. You will no doubt refer to what pleases Allah when they need advice, but how will your husband advise them?
What kind of father do you want for your children? One who takes his children to the masjid, halaqas and on umrah? Or one who says he won’t stop you from nurturing their Islam, but he won’t help you, either?
I cannot emphasise this enough: the nurturing of a child is a shared responsibility. Children inherit not only our genetic dispositions, but also our spiritual dispositions.
I urge you to perform the Prayer of Guidance up til 7 times, and watch what Allah unfolds for you.
Please don’t rush to make any decisions until your heart is at peace.
Please wake up in the last third of the night, even if it’s 15 minutes before Fajr, and perform the Prayer of Need.
I pray that Allah guides your family to Islam. I am sorry to hear that they do not approve of your Islam, and that you must keep it a secret from them.
May Allah grant you the courage, wisdom and patience to choose that which pleases Him.
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.