Should I Be Worried about Proposing to a Girl Who Might Not Be a Virgin?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
My mother found a potential spouse for me who wears hijab, prays, and has good morals. However, before becoming more religious, she had a past meeting with a man, details of which she’s reluctant to disclose due to embarrassment. I’m concerned about potential fornication. How should I approach this situation? What should be the attitude of a Muslim who has committed adultery or fornication?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your confusion and doubt, but you should look no further than your istikhara and ask around about her. Leave her repentance to Allah; it is good enough for Him; is it good enough for you?
Past
It is not permissible to inquire into her past, as she must keep her sins between herself and her Lord. Instead, you should inquire about how she is now. Ask others about her, make sure that she prays, discuss her spiritual and life goals, and pray istikhara. Suppose you are looking for a girl with absolutely no sinful past. In that case, it won’t be easy, it won’t necessarily reflect her current good character, and it doesn’t guarantee a happy marriage.
If you choose a girl today based on this hadith, I do not doubt that you will be successful, in sha Allah: The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or her piety. Select the pious; may you be blessed!” [Bukhari & Muslim]
Change
Shahr bin Hawshab said: “I said to Umm Salama: ‘O Mother of the Believers! What was the supplication that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said most frequently when he was with you?’ She said: ‘The supplication he said most frequently was: ‘O Changer of the hearts, make my heart firm upon Your religion (Yā Muqallibal-qulūb, thabbit qalbī `alā dīnik).’ She said: ‘So I said: “O Messenger of Allah, why do you supplicate so frequently: ‘O Changer of the hearts, make my heart firm upon Your religion.’ He said: ‘O Umm Salama! Verily, there is no human being except that his heart is between Two Fingers of the Fingers of Allah, so whomsoever He wills He makes steadfast, and whomever He wills He causes to deviate.’” [Tirmidhi]
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May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied Aqidah, Fiqh, Tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied Fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
