Should I Listen to My Husband or My Mother?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: Having been recently married, I am noticing a general conflict between the advices from my husband and my mother. I love both of them and do not wish to upset either of them. Should I obey to my husband or my mother?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for your sincerity in refining your character and improving your ties with your family.


The key here is balance and discretion. The first year of marriage is challenging because you are now learning to balance the new roles in your life – wife, daughter-in-law, daughter, friend etc. Over time and through trial and error, inshaAllah you will get the hang of it.


Ensure that you spend time with your mother – she is probably missing you. Give her gifts, call her, and be of service to her. Do the same for your husband.


If you are absolutely stuck in a matter and are unsure how to proceed, please perform the Prayer of Guidance and wait to see what unfolds.

Please refer to the following links:

Balancing Marital Privacy Against Living with My Mother
Is the Husband’s First Priority His Parents Whereas a Wife’s Her Husband?


Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani