Should I Marry a Woman I Met Online Who Is Homeless and Has Herpes?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad


Should I marry a revert with genital herpes? If yes, normal or asexual marriage? Can Istikhara be done for these decisions?


Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for wanting to help another in need and putting her needs before yours.


Although your intentions are pure, noble, and selfless, I don’t encourage you to marry her. It sounds like you will not be able to give her marital rights, as her sexual rights will not be fulfilled, and other issues may be a great cause of distress to both of you. Also, the lack of attraction and not meeting her in person are red flags. The biggest red flag is that you are asking if you should marry her.

Instead, I encourage you to give her charity and contribute to her medical care; Allah’s grace will greatly reward you. I encourage you to do only that and minimize or eliminate contact with her, as there should be friendships with the opposite gender. You can check up on her now and again.


Take the advice of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) when it comes to marriage:
Jabir bin `Abdullah narrated: “When I got married, Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) said to me, ‘What type of lady have you married?’ I replied I have married a matron. He said, ‘Why don’t you have a liking for the virgins and for fondling them?’ Jabir also said: Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, ‘Why didn’t you marry a young girl so that you might play with her and she with you?’” [Bukhari]

Jabir ibn Abdullah also narrated: “The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace)   said: ‘When one of you asked a woman in marriage, if he can look at what will induce him to marry her, he should do so.’ He (Jabir) said: I asked a girl in marriage; I used to look at her secretly until I looked at what induced me to marry her. I, therefore, married her.” [Abu Dawud]

And Ma`qil bin Yasar reported God’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace)  as saying, “Marry women who are loving and very fertile, for I shall outnumber the peoples by you.” [Abu Dawud & Nasa’i]

Please see these links on how to approach marriage:

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.