Should I Obey My Grandfather in Not Attending the Mosque? – Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

Many times my grandfather doesn’t let me go to the mosque due to baseless reasons like he doesn’t want me to go alone, even though I am 20 years old, or if there is rain, even light rain. He says that I should obey him and pray at home or I will be disheartening him if I go to the mosque. What should I do?

Answer

Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for being kind to your grandfather and for not wanting to break his heart. You will need tact, patience and kindness to deal with this situation.

Mosque

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Prayer said by a man in congregation is twenty-five degrees more excellent than prayer said by him alone in his house or the market. This is because when any of you performs ablution and does it perfectly, and goes out to the mosque having no intention except praying, and nothing moves him except prayer, then at every step which he takes his rank is elevated by one degree on account of this (walking), and one sin is remitted from him for this (walking), till he enters the mosque.

When he enters the mosque, he will be reckoned as praying as long as he will be detained by the prayer. The angels keep on invoking blessing on any of you so long as he remains seated in the place he prayed, saying: ‘O Allah, forgive him; O Allah, have mercy on him; O Allah, accept his repentance so long as he does not harm anyone, or breaks his ablution.’” [Abu Dawud]

Legitimate excuses

There are a number of excuses that are legitimate for missing the congregational prayer in the mosque. As such your grandfather may not always be wrong.

It says in the Reliance of the Traveller:

12.5 There is no demand to go to group prayer (O: whether communally obligatory (dis: f12.I), personally obligatory (f12.3), or sunna (f12.2)) when there is a valid excuse not to, such as:

(1) hardship due to rain or snow that soaks clothing;

(2) hardship due to heavy mud (O: from getting soiled or slipping when walking through it)

(3) (O: severe) winds at night (O: or dawn);

(4) severe heat or cold (O: because of the hardship of moving in them, and likewise intense darkness at night, which is an excuse not to attend);

(5) being in the presence of food or drink that one wants to have (O: as they obviate the awe and humility befitting the prayer. One should eat enough to take the edge off one’s hunger (A: and then go to join the group»;

(6) holding back from going to the toilet or breaking wind (O: as one should relieve oneself first, even if one fears missing the group prayer);

(7) hazard to one’s person;

(8) hazard to one’s property (O: from theft or seizure, whether it belongs to oneself or to another whose property one is obliged to protect. It also includes bread one has put in the oven that would burn if one were to leave and attend the prayer);

(9) hardship from an ailment (O: even when one is able to attend, if it entails a hardship comparable to that of walking in the rain. If one is suffering from a slight indisposition such as a toothache or the like, it is not an excuse);

(10) taking care of a sick person (O: who would suffer harm if one left to pray, whether a relative, friend, or total stranger) or taking care of someone ill who is strongly attached to one’s staying with him;

(11) the death of a relative, friend, (O: or spouse);

(12) fear of missing the impending departure of the party one intends to travel with;

(13) having eaten something with a bad odor (O: such as raw onions or garlic, though not if cooked, as this eliminates the smell);

(14) or fear of meeting someone who will try to collect a debt one owes him and one is unable to pay.

(O: The demand for group prayer is not eliminated by other than the above excuses.)

Inquire

Ask your grandfather what he is worried about. Try and get to the bottom of it. Perhaps he wants to pray with you at home so that he gets the reward of the congregation too? That is a valid reason to pray at home. Perhaps he would like to go with you but he’s too shy to admit it. Perhaps he fears for your safety because the area is dangerous. Perhaps he wants you to stay with him because he wants you to take care of him. Some of his reasons may not be baseless after all, considering the legitimate excuses above.

Disobey politely, occasionally

You are having the classic case of a young person who wants to be religious while his elders haven’t raised him that way and have a hard time accepting it. It is not entirely sinful to disobey your grandfather and go to the mosque. I suggest you get him used to the idea and go to the mosque sometimes, and pray at home with him sometimes. \

Anyone can get used to anything when it is gradual. He will get used to it, in sha Allah, and he will accept it, if you are polite and smile, and one day, by Allah’s grace, he will join you. If he sees nothing but good emanating from you, he will approve of your attending the mosque, in sha Allah, so make sure that you show him nothing but noble character. 

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Allah is Gentle and loves gentleness, and He grants reward for it that He does not grant for harshness.” [Ibn Maja]

Please see these links as well:

Should I Pray in Congregation or with My Spouse?

My Parents Prevent Me From Practicing: What Should I Do?

Do I Have to Obey My Parents If They Stop Me From Listening to Religious Talks?

How Can I Guide My Irreligious Family?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad 
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied Aqidah, Fiqh, Tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied Fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.