How Should a Wife Address Discomfort in Marital Intimacy Talk?

Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel

Question

My husband, though religious and active in the mosque, often initiates sexual conversations through messages that involve mention of other people. He says it feels boring otherwise.

This deeply troubles me and causes confusion in our marriage. What is the Islamic guidance on such behavior, and how should I address it?

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.

I pray you are in good faith and health. Thank you for your question.

Understandably, you’re troubled, as your situation affects emotional safety, trust, and dignity in your marriage. Islam emphasizes modesty, respect, and exclusivity between spouses.

You can tell him that when you bring others into sexual conversations, it makes you feel insecure and spiritually uneasy. It hurts your heart and affects trust and peace of mind.

Ask him, you can have a conversation with yourself, and work on the aspects that can enhance your marital intimacy, making it more exciting, creative, and passionate.

Worst Husbands Spread Their Wifes’ Secrets

Abu Sa’id al-Khudri reported: The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,

“Verily, the most evil of people in the presence of Allah on the Day of Resurrection is a man who was intimate with his wife and then spreads her secrets.” [Muslim]

Related

• Wife’s Right To Intimacy
• What Advice Can You Give for a Woman Whose Husband Does Not Want to Be Intimate With Her

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I pray this helps with your question.
Wassalam,
[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Mawlana Ilyas Patel has received a traditional education in various countries. He started his schooling in the UK and completed his hifz of the Quran in India. After that, he joined an Islamic seminary in the UK, where he studied secular and Aalimiyya sciences. Later, he traveled to Karachi, Pakistan, and other Middle Eastern countries to further his education. Mawlana has served as an Imam in the Republic of Ireland for several years and taught the Quran and other Islamic sciences to both children and adults. He also worked as a teacher and librarian at a local Islamic seminary in the UK for 12 years. Currently, he resides in the UK with his wife and is interested in reading and gardening.