How Should I Seek Guidance and Emotional Clarity If I Married Under Pressure?

Answered by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Question

How should I seek guidance and emotional clarity if I am married under pressure but remain attached to someone else?

Answer

In the Name of Allah Most Merciful and Compassionate.

The Role of Knowledge in Making Sound Decisions

Knowledge empowers the believer. Through knowledge, one understands one’s rights, responsibilities, and the guidance of Allah and His Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace).

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) gave women the right to approve of a marriage. If a woman was previously married, her explicit approval is a legal requirement. If she were not previously married, her approval is still required, even if expressed through silence, as explained by the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace).

Accordingly, even if parents exert pressure, the marriage ultimately concerns the woman herself. She has both the right to refuse and the responsibility before her Lord and herself to make the right choice.

If parents apply undue pressure, they bear responsibility for that. However, the individual must still act with awareness and responsibility.

Learning Before Acting

A key principle is that a believer should seek understanding before taking action, even in matters that seem straightforward.

By doing so, one acts within the limits set by Allah and in accordance with Prophetic guidance. This enables a person to walk upright on the straight path, which is an honor granted by Allah.

It is therefore important to consult a knowledgeable scholar or trusted elders regarding the specifics of one’s situation.

The Basis: Upholding the Marriage

If a marriage has already been entered into, the basis is to remain in it and to take the means to cultivate love and mercy within the marriage.

Love and mercy are not merely feelings but are developed through actions. They are nurtured through appreciation, gratitude, kind conduct, and the various means of maintaining a healthy relationship as taught by Allah and His Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace).

At the same time, one should strive to move on from any prior emotional attachment.

Letting Go of Prior Attachments

Particularly if the previous relationship is unlikely to be fulfilled, it is important to accept what Allah has facilitated and make the most of it.

Often, individuals leave a marriage hoping to pursue a prior attachment, only to find that the other person was not serious, has moved on, or is unwilling to commit. Such attachments may have been fleeting or insincere.

For this reason, leaving what is doubtful or unfulfilled and focusing on what is established is wiser and more beneficial.

The Virtue of Restraining One’s Desires

It has been related from the early Muslims, and these words are so profound that they were at times attributed to the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace). However, according to the vast majority of scholars, it is not established as a Prophetic hadith, although some hadith experts, including Shaykh ‘Ahmad ibn Siddiq al-Ghumari, argued that it may be from the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace). The majority of scholars, however, held otherwise.

It is reported:

“Whoever falls passionately in love, but restrains themselves, and dies in that state, dies a martyr.”

This means that one who experiences strong attachment but refrains from pursuing it for the sake of Allah, because it is not the right or permissible path, is in a state of great virtue.

Such restraint, undertaken sincerely for the sake of Allah, is a noble act.

Seeking Ongoing Guidance and Support

These situations can be emotionally difficult and complex. Therefore, beyond general guidance, it is important to seek specific counsel.

One should consult a qualified local scholar or a counselor who understands Islamic values and considerations. Ongoing consultation can help provide clarity, support, and practical steps tailored to one’s circumstances.

And Allah is the giver of success and facilitation.
[Shaykh] Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Faraz Rabbani is a recognized specialist scholar in the Islamic sciences, having studied under leading scholars from around the world. He is the Founder and Executive Director of SeekersGuidance.

Shaykh Faraz stands as a distinguished figure in Islamic scholarship. His journey in seeking knowledge is marked by dedication and depth. He spent ten years studying under some of the most revered scholars of our times. His initial studies took place in Damascus. He then continued in Amman, Jordan.

In Damascus, he was privileged to learn from the late Shaykh Adib al-Kallas. Shaykh Adib al-Kallas was renowned as the foremost theologian of his time. Shaykh Faraz also studied under Shaykh Hassan al-Hindi in Damascus. Shaykh Hassan is recognized as one of the leading Hanafi jurists of our era.

Upon completing his studies, Shaykh Faraz returned to Canada in 2007. His return marked a new chapter in his service to the community. He founded SeekersGuidance. The organization reflects his commitment to spreading Islamic knowledge. It aims to be reliable, relevant, inspiring, and accessible. This mission addresses both online and on-the-ground needs.

Shaykh Faraz is also an accomplished author. His notable work includes “Absolute Essentials of Islam: Faith, Prayer, and the Path of Salvation According to the Hanafi School,” which was published by White Thread Press in 2004 and is a significant contribution to Islamic literature.

His influence extends beyond his immediate community. Since 2011, Shaykh Faraz has been recognized as one of the 500 most influential Muslims. This recognition comes from the Royal Islamic Strategic Studies Center. It underscores his impact on the global Islamic discourse.

Shaykh Faraz Rabbani’s life and work embody a profound commitment to Islamic scholarship. His teachings continue to enlighten and guide seekers of knowledge worldwide.