Is Marriage an Absolute Obligation for Every Muslim?
Hanafi Fiqh
Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel
Question
I am a 32-year-old woman. I was forced into a nikah that ended in divorce after 1.5 years, which broke my trust. It took years to accept another proposal. I was engaged for 3 years, but my fiancé suddenly called off the wedding, also breaking my trust. Both men chose others shortly after.
I experienced childhood sexual harassment and abuse, leaving trauma that is now causing physical suffering. My family keeps crying and questioning their health, saying that marriage is fard and that without it, we will go to Hell. And marriage and having kids are the only purposes of life. I wish for my life to end so I can escape it.
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.
I hope you’re well. Your situation saddens us. May Allah Most High reward you with your patience and test.
Marriage is an important sunna and a human need that one should fulfill according to circumstances. It is not a blanket obligation (fard) that would justify any force, and it changes with a person’s circumstances and state.
Speak to Your Parents Wisely
Speak to your parents gently and wisely about your feelings, and consider asking a trusted Imam or community member for help in explaining your feelings. They are caring parents and only want what’s best for you, including your marriage, so that they won’t go to hell. Still, your situation needs understanding and time to heal. Let them know you value marriage, but ask for their empathy. Because of previous abuse and marriage experiences, you seek emotional safety before entering another marriage.
Allah Most High says, “Allah does not burden a soul beyond its capacity.” [Quran, 2:286]
Allah Most High says: “There is no compulsion in religion…” [Quran, 2:256]
This principle extends beyond faith itself to include all matters that require sincere and free choice, such as marriage, divorce, or conversion.
Abu Hurayra (Allah be pleased with him) narrates from the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace); he said,
“A virgin should not be married till she is asked for her consent, and the non-virgin should not be married till she is asked whether she agrees to marry or not.” It was asked, “O Allah’s Messenger! How will she (the virgin) express her consent?” He said, “By keeping silent.”… [Bukhari]
The marriage of a free, mature, sane woman is officiated only with her consent. It is not permissible for anyone – even her guardian (wali) – to force her to marry. [Maydani, al-Lubab fi Sharh al-Kitab]
Seek Support
Seek out Muslim trauma therapists who are grounded in Islamic understanding in your country; also, one can find many genuine online worldwide ones, too. Always consult local scholars for guidance.
We pray that Allah grants you healing and, when you are ready, a marriage that brings peace rather than fear. May He grant you relief from your test and guide you to what is best for your life. Amin.
And Allah knows best.
[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Related
- If I Am Forced to Marry Someone, Must I Get a Divorce to Marry Someone Else? – Most parents act in their daughter’s best interest, even if the child disagrees or doesn’t see the benefit. This doesn’t mean parents ignore their daughter’s opinion.
- How Can a Girl Leave a Marriage She Was Forced Into? -Speak to explain yourself about your situation with wisdom and love. Marriage is a weighty matter.
- Is a Marriage Valid If Done Under Family Pressure or Threats? Islam forbids forced marriages and doesn’t blame individuals for acceptance under duress. You can end an unwilling marriage without sin.
Mawlana Ilyas Patel has received a traditional education in various countries. He started his schooling in the UK and completed his hifz of the Quran in India. After that, he joined an Islamic seminary in the UK, where he studied secular and Aalimiyya sciences. Later, he traveled to Karachi, Pakistan, and other Middle Eastern countries to further his education. Mawlana has served as an Imam in the Republic of Ireland for several years and taught the Quran and other Islamic sciences to both children and adults. He also worked as a teacher and librarian at a local Islamic seminary in the UK for 12 years. Currently, he resides in the UK with his wife and is interested in reading and gardening.
