Is One Allowed to Chat With a Potential Spouse for the Purpose of Getting to Know Each Other?


Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question: Is one allowed to chat with a potential spouse for the purpose of getting to know each other (to consider the other for marriage)? In some conservative cultures meeting in person (in presence with a mahram of the girl) is not proper or nor even allowed.

Answer: Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question because this topic is often misunderstood. See the following two links for looking at and communicating with a potential spouse:

Can a Man Look at the Shape of His Potential Spouse’s Body?

How to Approach Getting Married?

My teacher in Amman taught us that a person may speak to the potential spouse as many times as needed until one makes one’s decision. This however has to be within the confines mentioned in the above links.

There are many conservative cultures that misunderstand what is permissible in Islam. This is why it is imperative to learn one’s obligatory knowledge from a traditional scholar so as not to fall in these culture traps, often having no basis in Islam.

May Allah give you tawfiq,

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.