Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I got married in February 2018 and didn’t consummate until January 2019. Between the above period, I had thoughts of kufr and would say them out loud quite often, and I know this was waswasa. I am worried that my marriage will be annulled and I will have to renew it. I renewed my marriage in June 2018, and now I’m concerned that I have committed kufr between June and January 2019.
According to the Shafi’i and Hanbali schools, if the marriage is consummated and the person returns to Islam before his wife’s iddah ends, the marriage remains as is. I am apprehensive about this.
The ability to control your thoughts takes practice, and practice makes perfect. I know you can come out of these thoughts and return to your righteous self. Please see the following links for complete information on thoughts. Remember that you are not responsible for evil passing thoughts that you discard immediately.
Types of Thought, Blasphemy, and Sin
Plagued by Many Obsessive Thoughts.
Plagued by Thoughts of Faith in Allah
From reading your question, I believe you have not committed kufr. Have you ever at any single point said to yourself that you are no longer a Muslim and don’t believe in Islam? I believe that your waswasa is getting the better of you, and I have to make it stop.
Anytime you get a wrong thought about Allah or your religion, do not articulate it, don’t let it reach your lips. Then make dhikr immediately and continue doing this until it is a habit. Even the Devil will tire from whispering evil thoughts to you because he will see that it only results in dhikr.
Prayer of Need
Pray to Allah the prayer of Need and ask him to guide you out of this. Spend your free time serving and helping others, not alone with your thoughts. Exercise and get fresh air every day. Also, increase your Islamic knowledge by taking free courses at Seekers. Empower yourself against these thoughts and take control. A little time management, du’a, busying yourself with good things and spending time with good people can do wonders.
Sign of Explicit Faith
Remember that your worry about having these thoughts is a sign of explicit faith. Some of the Companions of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) came to him and said, ‘We find in ourselves thoughts that are too terrible to speak of.’ He said, ‘Are you really having such thoughts?’ They said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘That is a clear sign of faith.’” [Muslim]
Please see this link for another excellent answer to your question:
I Think I’ve Committed Apostasy. How Do I Repent?
Check this reader:
A Reader on OCD and Waswasa (Baseless Misgivings)
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.