Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I hate everything about being a woman in this life and the next. In this life, everything is according to the best interests of men even if it makes a woman’s life hell. In the next life, the desires and wishes of men are fulfilled in every small detail.
For example, they get their desire of being the most handsome husbands and they get many virgin wives. Women desire not to share their husbands with others, but they don’t get that. They desire to be the most beautiful to their husbands, but they don’t get that as maidens of Paradise are better. The desire of men is fulfilled in every small detail but a woman’s desire is not.
Can a female wake up as a male in the afterlife?
Thank you for your question. A person will not be raised in the next life as a different gender.
Reward in Paradise
Women and men will be rewarded by Allah in the way that He sees fit, as He created us and He knows what we desire most. We must have full trust and submission in this. Allah Most High has told us, “They shall have whatever they wish with their Lord.” [Quran, 39:34]
Allah mentions in the Quran, the reward for both genders: “Surely (for) Muslim men and women, believing men and women, devout men and women, truthful men and women, patient men and women, humble men and women, charitable men and women, fasting men and women, men and women who guard their chastity, and men and women who remember Allah often—for (all of) them Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward.” [Quran, 33:35]
Does the above verse sound like Allah is being unfair to you?
When you challenge the decree of Allah, you are questioning His absolute wisdom and knowledge, and claim that you know yourself better than He does. I feel that one needs to be humble when hearing about the reward that Allah has planned for the believers and that one should not display arrogance and haughtiness by claiming that the reward is not good enough. Complaining about Paradise is not of the etiquettes of the believer, and he should be avid to not anger His Lord.
Perhaps this hadith needs to be given more attention than the hadith about 70 virgins: The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), said, “He who has, in his heart, an ant’s weight of arrogance will not enter Paradise.” Someone said: “A man likes to wear beautiful clothes and shoes.” The Messenger of Allah, (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Allah is Beautiful, He loves beauty. Arrogance means ridiculing and rejecting the Truth and despising people.” [Muslim].
The women of this world will have a higher status than the maidens of Paradise, they are not better than us. Please find solace in this hadith as one of the wives of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), questioned him about the maidens and their status:
Umm Salama (may Allah be well pleased with her) mentions that she asked the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), to explain the verse, “And (there will be) maidens with beautiful, big, and lustrous eyes.” [Quran, 56:22]. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), said, “They will be women with wide eyes having a sharp contrast between the white of the cornea and the black of the iris. They will be fair complexioned and their limbs will be free of hair like the wings of a bird.
Umm Salama, (may Allah be well pleased with her), then asked for an explanation of the verse, “They will be like concealed pearls?” [Quran, 56:23] to which the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) explained that their purity would be like that of a pearl still inside the oyster, untouched by human hands.
She then asked for an explanation of the verse, “They will be good and fair.” [Quran, 55:70] to which the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), replied, “Their character will be good and their faces will be fair.”
She then asked the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), to explain the verse, “Delicate and pure as if they were hidden eggs well preserved.” [Quran, 37:49] The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), said, “Their softness and delicacy would be like that of the skin you see inside the egg under the shell.”
She then asked the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), to explain the verses, “We made them virgins, loving and equal in age.” [Quran, 56:36-37]. He explained, “They will be those women who left this world, old, grey-haired, with discolored skin. Allah will recreate them after this old age and will make them loving virgins who would be very passionate towards their husband who in turn would be madly in love with them. They would all be of the same age.”
She then asked, “O Prophet, are the women of this world superior or the hoors?” He replied, “The women of this world will have superiority over the hoors just as the outer lining of a garment has superiority over the inner lining.
Umm Salama, (may Allah be well pleased with him), then asked, “O Messenger of Allah, what is the reason for this?” He answered, “Because they performed Salah, fasted and worshipped Allah. Allah will put light on their faces and silk on their bodies. They will be fair in complexion and will wear green clothing and yellow jewelry. Their incense burners will be made of pearls and their combs will be of gold. They will say, ‘We are the women who will stay forever and we will never die. We are the women who will always remain in comfort and we will never die. We are the women who will always remain in comfort and we will never undergo difficulty. We are the women who will stay and we will never leave. Listen, we are happy women and we will never become sad. Glad tidings to those men for whom we are and who are for us.’”
She then asked, “If a woman of this world married two, three, or four husbands (one after the other) in this world, then dies and enters Jannah with them, who will be her husband?“ The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), answered, “O Umm Salama, (may Allah be well pleased with her), she will be allowed to choose between them, so she will choose the one with the best character. She will say to Allah, ‘O Allah, this husband displayed the best character to me in the world, so marry him to me.’” The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) further added, “O Umm Salama, good character has gained (for him) the excellence of this world and the hereafter.” [Tabarani; Ibn Kathir]
Please see many more details in these links:
Do Men Get More Rewards in Paradise Than Women Do to Them Being Able To Have Multiple Wives?
Why Are My Rewards in Paradise Different Because of My Gender?
What Do Women Get in Paradise?
Is There Someone in Paradise That Gets Sad When Women Are Hurt on Earth?
Reader on Women’s Ranks in the Hereafter
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.