Question: I can’t help but be frustrated as a woman who struggles with lowering my gaze and having a strong desire for multiple men. I strive for the sake of Allah not to do anything haram. I am troubled that a lot of scholars say men only have these struggles and that’s why they get rewarded with the maidens in paradise. I can’t help but feel neglected and as though my struggles don’t mean anything. I too wish to have multiple companions in Paradise. Will I not be granted such?
Thank you for your question.
Restraint is rewarded
Please know that you will be rewarded for every atom of restraint and patience that you show for the sake of Allah and I pray that you can be married soon to a man with whom you can complete your religion.
The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “Whoever guarantees for me what is between his jaws and what is between his legs, I shall guarantee Paradise for him” [Tirmidhi].
A woman’s reward in Paradise will be the likes of which she has never seen, never heard, not ever imagined. Please do not fear for your reward there, rather prepare well for the Day of Judgment. See the details here:
Busy yourself with goodness
My advice to you is to continuously lower your gaze and push out thoughts of these multiple attractive men. Make dhikr when the thoughts come and practice pushing them away, no matter how times they come back. Learn your religion in your free time, the halal and the haram of daily life, and the essentials of worship. Occupy yourself with the good, such as keeping the company of positive religious people, fresh air, and circles of knowledge so that your ego will not occupy you with falsehood. May Allah reward you and facilitate your matter for you.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.