Can I Ask for a Khula’ during My Pregnancy?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I am five months pregnant and I want khula’ because of my mother-in-law. She doesn’t like me although she is my mother’s sister. Last month my father had an accident, and my husband was not in town. When I asked my in-laws to let me go, they refused. I will go mad living with her. Now my husband hasn’t talked to me for a month. He won’t take my calls and never asks about his baby’s health. I want khula’ is it possible in pregnancy?

Answer

Please see the following link for a description of khula’ (dissolution of marriage requested by the wife usually in exchange for a sum of money): Can My Wife Divorce Me Without My Agreement?

I empathize that you are suffering in your home situation, but you must think things through.

Istikhara

Please start with praying istikhara about khula’ for at least seven days. Leaving your husband is a significant decision. Even though it is un-Islamic and haram for your husband not to speak to you for a month, leaving him is a decision that will have lasting consequences on yourself and your child.

Communication

While praying, communicate with your husband by e-mail or hand-written letter if you have to. Try to get a third party or scholar to speak to him. Please don’t be angry with him, but explain to him your pain and that you are ready to be his wife in the way he wants. I am confident that by the time the baby is born, he will return to normal. Don’t assume he is happy right now; he is probably suffering just as much as you.

We can understand from the Quran that it takes both sides to want a resolution to be successful. Allah, Most High, says, “If they both want [matters to be] rectified, Allah will bring about agreement amongst them.” [Quran, 4:35]

Live Separately

It is incumbent on a man to provide a wife with her own private space. Once you and your husband reconcile, by the grace of Allah Most High, you should express to him that a separate space would benefit everyone. It would help if you did so tactfully, though, and not too soon. Pray the Prayer of Need, asking Allah to facilitate this situation for you. A Wife’s Right to Housing Seperate From Her In-Laws

If you feel that you need to leave him and your istikhara indicates it, consult reliable local scholars on how to proceed. Have an exit plan, and may Allah bless you in your decision.

Please see the following links for more information:
Abusive In-Laws
A Wife’s Right to Housing Seperate From Her In-Laws
Living With Disrespectful and Overbearing In-Laws
Living with My Mother-In-Law Is Challenging. What Do I Do?
Dealing With an Ill-Tempered Mother in Law

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.